Selection 9

The_Caretaker

War Hero
I went out with this girl who was so black, when she got out of the car, the oil light came on.

........................................

What do you say to a baby Jewish American Princess?

Gucci Gucci Goo
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A teacher was in class on Friday evening (last period). She told the class that whichever student answered the question correctly could have Monday off.

She asked "Who is the President of the United States?"

A boy rose his hand and said "Bill Clinton."

The teacher told him he could have Monday off, but the boy told her that he was Jewish and that Jews don't take holidays for no reason.

The teacher told him not to raise his hand again and she decided to ask another question. She said "What is the name of the last province that joined in confederation with Canada?"

Another boy rose his hand and said "Newfoundland."

The teacher told him that he could have Monday off but the boy said that he too was a Jew.

A big bully who was sitting at the back of the class said "Stupid Jews."

The teacher called out "Who said that?"

The bully called back "Hitler Miss! See yah Tuesday!"

..........................................
How does a Russian commit suicide?

He smells his armpit
..........................................

Why does a Jewish American Princess close her eyes during sex?

She can't stand it to see her husband enjoy himself.
..........................................

There is a family of ducks walking along the road, when all of the sudden a car swerves and kills all but one baby. Realizing that he doesn't yet know what he is, he wanders around looking for some answers. He sees a family of skunks walking in the same area as his family was, and what do you know a car killed all but one of the babies too. So the baby duck goes up to the baby skunk and says "Do you know what I am?"

The skunk says "Well you're yellow, you have a beak, webbed feet, and feathers, so you must be a duck. Do you know what I am?"

The duck says "Well youre not quite white, not quite black, you smell like shit, so you must be a Muslim."

.................................................

Did you here about the ten foot tall 390 pound Aggie football player?

He was killed in a car wreck and they couldn t find a casket large enough to bury him so they gave him an enema and burried him in a shoe box.
...................................................

What do you call an Eitheopean with feathers glued on his ass?

A dart
..................................................

What do you call 100 Eitheopeans standing in shallow water?

Skinny dipping.
..................................................

Why does a doberman lick his balls?

To get the taste of [ethnic] out of his mouth.
..................................................

There was this Irishman, Frenchman and Newfoundlander about to make a trip to the moon. The trip was going to take about ten years so each person was asked if they wanted to take something along to last them ten years. The Irishman said, well ten years is a long time so I want to take five women with me. The Frenchman said, well I want a ten year supply of beer. The Newfoundlander said, I want a ten year supply of cigerettes. Very well, they were sent on there way.

After the ten years were up they landed safely back on earth. The Irishman got off the shuttle with 15 kids, the Frenchman came staggering off the shuttle with a beer in his hand loaded drunk and then the Newfoundlander came off the shuttle, his hands were shaking and he was sweating all over with a cigarette in his hand, does anybody have a match.

........................................

Why are black men so tall?

Because their Knee-Groes

................................................

Why did they invent white chocolate?

So that black guys could get dirty too.
...................................................
What are the five most common words said to a well dressed Black man?

Will the defendant please rise.
.....................................................
What do you call a family of Mexicans standing in front of their house?

- A spicket fence.
.....................................................

Three guys were taking needles, two Americans and an [ethnic] guy. The first American takes the drug and hands the needle to the second American who cleans the needle, takes the drug and hands it to the [ethnic] guy.

The [ethnic] guy takes the drug without cleaning the needle.

The two Americans yell at the [ethnic] guy, telling him he can get aids from using a dirty needle.

The [ethnic] guy says "No I can't. I'm wearing a condom"
 
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