Selection 5

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by The_Caretaker, Jan 5, 2011.

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  1. Oy Vey
    -is just Jewish for Mama Mia
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    Yom Kippur is the one day of the year when the Jewish people fast. Levy was surprised to see Cohen eating in a restaurant - and oysters yet! "Oysters? On Yom Kippur?" queried Levy with raised eyebrows. "What's wrong?" answered Cohen. "Yom Kippur has an 'R' in it."

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    And let's not forget Moses, who at the parting of the Red Sea said; "What's all this? I was only going in for a little dip!"

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    Two old guys and a [ethnic] go hunting.The first night, one old man comes back with a deer.

    "How'd ya' get it?" the [ethnic] asked.

    "Follow the tracks, follow the tracks-BOOM-got me a deer."

    The second night, the other old man comes back to camp with two deer.

    "How'd ya' get 'em?" the [ethnic] asked.

    "Follow the tracks, follow the tracks-BOOM-got me two deer."

    On the third night, the [ethnic]'s out until three in the morning.

    He comes staggering into the camp all beat up, with torn clothes, tons of bruises, and a lot of fractures.

    "What happened to you?" asked one of the old men.

    "Follow the tracks, follow the tracks-BOOM-got hit by a train."
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    What do you call an [ethnic] with a job?

    - One in a million.
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    How do you stop a black gang from beating you up?

    - Throw them a basketball.
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    How does one identify a Kentucky virgin?

    She's the one who can outrun her brothers.
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    What did the Jewish pedophile ask the little girl?

    - "Hey, little girl, you want to buy some candy?"
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    Do you know why they have a bucket of shit at an [ethnic] wedding?

    - To keep the flies off of the bride.
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    A Polish man finds a jeannie lamp on the beach, he rubs it and the jeannie comes out and says: "I grant you one wish."

    He said to the jeannie, "I want you to build me a bridge to Poland."

    The jeannie said: "No one can build a bridge that long, you have to pick another wish."

    He thinks for a minute and said: "I want you to make all my family and friends in Poland smart so people don't put them down."

    The jeannie replies, "How many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

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    What do you call an [ethnic] lady having an abortion?

    Crimestopper.
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    How come they don't let the little black kids play in the sandbox?

    Cause the kittys keep trying to bury them.
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    What would they have called the "Beetles" if they were [ethnic]?

    Roaches.
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    How do you know when an [ethnic] girl has her period?

    One of her socks is missing.
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    How many Irish does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Forget it- we'll drink in the dark
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    One day two Irishmen were walking past a police station in Dublin, and as they walked past the notice board they came across a poste:

    "Pakistani Wanted For Rape"
    So the first Irishman turned to the other and said "These damned foreigners,they get all the good jobs!"

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    What did the Mexican firefighter name his kids?

    Jose and Hose B.
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    Why does an [ethnic] man's eyes turn red after sex?

    Because of the mace.
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    What is mass confusion in Harlem?

    Father's Day.
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    Why didn't the black man want to marry the Mexican?

    - He didn't want his kids to grow up too lazy to steal.
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    What do you call a Paki that came last in a race?

    - "Ranshit"
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    There were these two guys that worked together, a black guy and a white guy.

    Every morning the black would come into work in a pissed-off mood, but the white guy was always really happy and friendly to everyone.

    Well one day the black decided to find out how the white guy managed to be so happy day after day. He asked the white guy "Man, how do you stay so damn happy all of the time?"

    The white guy answered, "Well, every morning, I recite my wife a poem so I can get laid before I come into work!"

    The black says, "Hey, that's a pretty good idea, man! What do you say?"

    The white guy replies, "Well, this morning, I wrote her this poem: 'Honey, with your hair so blond and your eyes so blue, all I wanna do is make love to you!'"

    The black decides to try this with his wife.

    The next morning, the black guy walks into work with a bloody lip, a broken nose, and scratches all down his face!

    The white guy asks him what happened.

    The black guy says, "I tried reciting poetry to my wife like you do!"

    The white guy asks "What the hell did you say to her?"

    The black guy goes, "I said, 'Honey, with your hair so nappy and your eyes like a frog, bend your fat ass over, let me do ya like a dog!'"

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