Selection 21


War Hero
Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed.?????
A. A cherry float.

Q. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A. Beat IT - we're closed.

Q. Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A. To find a tight seal.

Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q. Why is Popeye's johnson so soft and smooth?
A. He keeps it in Olive Oyl.

Q. What's the difference between Simba and OJ Simpson?
A. One is an African lion and the other is a lion African!

Q. What's the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?
A. Tiger Woods had a better driver!

Q: Why can't you smoke weed in Iraq?
A: Because there is no piece in the middle east!

Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q. What's another name for pickled bread?
A. Dill-dough

Q. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A. He heard the snow blower coming.

Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
A: She's withholding evidence

Q. What's the difference between light and hard?
A. You can sleep with a light on.

Q. Why is sex like a bridge game?
A. You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A. Because it scares the hell out of the seeing dog.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
A. God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it

Q. What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A. A dictator

Q. What do you get when you cross a pickle and a deer?
A. A dildo