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See you later boss....

jjp23

Lantern Swinger
I didn't know where to post this but seeing as Diamond Lil's is ace and this will know doubt turn into some form of banter or abuse i thought it would do here.

I just wanted to share this with as many people as possible:

I just walked into my boss' office and handed him my resignation. No more will i be an office monkey, no more will he tell me what to do or spout shit. It felt awsome :D :D :D .

So boss......... :thebirdman: :booty:
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
You must use the time until your departure to carry out the following tasks:

Steal as much office equipment as possible.
Unleash the Phantom.
Tell one of the girls that one of the other girls called her fat.
Shag a co-worker.
Cause some criminal damage.
Ruin the company's relationship with a supplier, I find a snotty email followed by a quick termination of a contract works a treat.
Order something really large and expensive that will be delivered to the office after you have left.
Post an add on Gumtree for a position at the company with a huge salary. Invite all the applicants for an interview at the same time for after you have left.
 

JonnoJonno

Banned
WreckerL said:
JonnoJonno said:
Somewhere in the UK there is a very upset McDonalds supervisor

Why's that JJ, have you handed your notice in as well :wink:

Clever cunt :D Anyway, I'm only a three star, and aspire to reach the dizzying heights of 'grill operator'
 

jjp23

Lantern Swinger
Some good ideas there. I won't be able to do anything that results in being prosecuted (ie stealing) as my application could be buggered.

However, i am more than willing to try some of the others. Also, i would like to brag that i nailed one of my co-workers last year.

Any suggestions for other antics i could get up to would be considered.
 

JonnoJonno

Banned
jjp23 said:
Any suggestions for other antics i could get up to would be considered.

If you can get into one of the girl's handbags, nick one of the lipsticks and very carefully insert a fine needle into the tip. Ensure you push it a good few millimetres into the stick and smooth it back over.

It'll be weeks before she gets down to the tip and shreds her lip.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
Get a pair of girls knickers and stick them in your boss's bag.

When he gets home his wife will be furious.

A few dodgy texts from your bat phone will seal the deal and ruin his marriage.
 

jjp23

Lantern Swinger
Dazza said:
My suggestion is start looking for another job!

I know, i can't believe i have quit in the spur of a moment. I have no idea what to do.

There aren't many jobs around at the moment so i will just have to see what comes up. I am sure i could paint or clean, after all i need to be good at that apparently. I might apply to join the RN.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
Not really work related but fun anyway: If you really want to ruin someone's life, the following little tricks are quite easy and achieve considerable effect.

Report their car stolen.

Find the mains water stopcock outside their house (it's usually under a little flap in the pavement.) Turn it off, expensive plumber visit usually entails. Sometimes their boiler breaks as a result which is always an added bonus.

Post an add on Gumtree offering something of theirs as a freebie (their car or sexual services are favourites of mine.) Leave their phone number as the point of contact.

Leave an anonymous tip off that drugs are being dealt from their premises, this usually results in them receiving a friendly visit from plod at 6am.

Advertise that they have a room for cheap rent available. Give the address and invite prospective lodgers to come over for a visit.

Smear dogshit into the air vents of their car. The smell when they turn the heater on will remain for life.
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
Check the free ads for Cash on Delivery sales. Find something outrageously large and phone the order through to his address.

I know of one bloke who got home to find a distraught wife, a mahoosive self assembly shed and 2 tons of steaming horse sh1t in his drive. :D
 

Harry1

Lantern Swinger
I like the dog shit one but, wait till it goes white and dry and then put the ensuing powder in the fan intake. It is a cracker.
 

seenoffteefcuk

War Hero
JonnoJonno said:
jjp23 said:
Any suggestions for other antics i could get up to would be considered.

If you can get into one of the girl's handbags, nick one of the lipsticks and very carefully insert a fine needle into the tip. Ensure you push it a good few millimetres into the stick and smooth it back over.

It'll be weeks before she gets down to the tip and shreds her lip.

WOW that is brutally brilliant.
JJ you have my upmost respect.
 

Spidiver

War Hero
When anyone leaves a phone loafing round here, we change the language to Turkish..childish, but fcukin frustrating.

Whilst in London, collect all the prostitutes cards from phone boxes, then place them on the passenger's sun visor in his car...his wife getting a lap full of these should cause a few snags.

Use auto correct on his computer to change spellings..do it subtly, it then makes him out to be even more of a dumb shit than he already is.

If his computer is networked, stick a pin through the cable and give it a good wiggle..takes the IT guy ages to trace it...do it to 2 cables, that way when they replace one, the fault is still there
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
Spidiver said:
Use auto correct on his computer to change spellings..do it subtly, it then makes him out to be even more of a dumb shit than he already is.

The fun that can be had with this function is amazing.

If you auto correct his bosses name to Cunt and change 'kindest regards' to 'Get Fucked,' it makes things very interesting.

For instance:

Dear Mr Smith,

I left the papers you required on your desk.

Kindest regards

2DD


Quickly becomes:

Dear Cunt,

I left the papers you required on your desk.

Get Fucked

2DD



Also press Alt Gr and the down arrow on his computer to flip the screen upside down. It's childish but highly amusing, especially if he is a bit of a computer biff and can't change it back.





* Press Alt Gr and the up arrow to change it back.
 

jjp23

Lantern Swinger
Just read the one about turning the screen upside down. I had to do it immediately, I am typing this as one of my dumb colleagues is asking everyone what has happened. They are going to phone our computer engineers up because they can’t work it out, brilliant. I am now off to sneak into people’s offices and if they aren’t there I will change as many as possible.

Very childish but fcuk it, it’s making me laugh.
 
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