Scared off a possible burglar last night.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by thereverend, Jun 18, 2010.

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  1. As often happens at silly o'clock in the morning I woke up with a mouth as dry as Sister Mary's chuff around 3am. So as per usual I trot off down the apple and pears and head to the kitchen, turn on the light and straight away I catch the sight of some fella in the process of trying to get into my neighbours garden by clambering over the fence.

    Now I wish I could say that my act of bravery involved me darting outside and tackling Burglar Bill to the ground and securing him until the dibble arrived. I wish I could say that it was anything but the fact he saw me banging on the window, jumping up and down and shouting to feck off.

    I also wish I'd had some underpants on.....................
     
  2. It was probably the fact that you were not wearing uderpants that scared him off. 8O

    Or the size of your todger. :wink:
     
  3. You'll probably find that your details have now been passed around and the curious will be showing up near your window late at night to see if that naked bloke they've all heard about will do his jumping up and down and shouting thing again.
     
  4. So, :) we know where you will be tonight.
     
  5. :lol:

    :oops:
     
  6. Nice one, I'll leave the back door unlocked ;)
     

  7. Tell the truth you screamed like a schoolgirl when you saw me.
    And suit yourself about locking/leaving unlocked, its all the same to me, I have a key to your house and all the others in your street.
    You call it a crowbar. :wink: :)
     
  8. I heard the burglar was so traumatised by it all that he is contacting his lawyer with a view to commencing legal proceedings against you! :)
     
  9. Prick teaser, you said that last week :roll:
     
  10. Will your case will be heard in the small claims court?
     
  11. :lol: ........oh wait :evil:
     
  12. If anyone scares of a burglar before they have broken into the house they in all probability have no insurance.
    If you have insurance, why would you not want to be burgled.
    New for old?
    Perfect, and the other items you have "lost", its a veritable goldmine.
    That is why us brothers are doing you a service. In rich suburbs we are a national treasure and almost to where the rich advertise for us to visit.
    Telly on the blink? who ya going to call?
    Door busters. :D :roll:
     
  13. I was told to expect a start date around January so sent all my stuff back to Deutschland with the folks. As it stands the only thing to burgle is this dogshit laptop and me. I only have insurance on my guitars and stuff which are pretty much irreplacable anyhow but they aren't even here. Robbing me would be like robbing a charity shop. I don't even have a telly. I'd welcome a burglar, be more entertaining than watching porn with no sound and trying to lip read.........

    Pished
     
  14. I was told to expect a start date around January so sent all my stuff back to Deutschland with the folks. As it stands the only thing to burgle is this dogshit laptop and me. I only have insurance on my guitars and stuff which are pretty much irreplacable anyhow but they aren't even here. Robbing me would be like robbing a charity shop. I don't even have a telly. I'd welcome a burglar, be more entertaining than watching porn with no sound and trying to lip read.........

    Pished

    No the point is you HAD a 42 inch tv a brand new I pad/laptop/camera/rolex rtc and all the receipts were in a wegwood jar that went as well.
     
  15. Pedantic mode on
    You have missed the very essence of my point. You insure heavily, and then if you are unlucky enough to have very little content but lucky enough to get an unplanned house visitor, bingo.
    All those little luxuries become possible. And even though the righteous will proclaim their innocence in such a situation and the "I would never do that" beat their drums, not many if any can say they did not would not put a few "Extras" on the list, if only to cover the excess that most policies carry.
    When I was burgled two years ago the old bill called out a firm to "secure" my window. Yeah right, a piece of ply screwed from the Outside into two batons across the inside. It would have cost about four quid at tops for material, but they charged the insurance company (who willingly paid it ) £250 for doing it.
    They then dragged out the claim for nearly 5 months using the floods as an excuse for doing so, until I finally threatened them with the ombudsman and legal action. Then miraculously they could adjust my loss by telephone, and agreed to pay me in excess of £20,000 by agreeing values of antiques in seconds.
    Pedantic mode stowed
    So if they get scammed occasionally they can well afford it, Christ they take enough off us. The friggin loss adjusters are about 18/20 and driving cars that most kids their age only see on telly. So think of it as the Robin Hood syndrome, taking from the rich.
     
  16. As an insurance loss adjuster I have noted all your IP addresses and am in the process of tracking you down.
    We know where you live!
     
  17. Could you bring more dosh as I have recently discovered I had overlooked the fact my collection of Picaso's were also missing. :wink: :roll:
     
  18. According to Rummy they're all 19 /20; the only part of you that's 19 /20 is your hip replacement... :roll: :twisted:
     
  19. Aren't you that black fellow?
     

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