Sailorly Songs whilst on the Runs

grefs

Lantern Swinger
Life presents a gloomy picture,
Dark and empty like a tomb,
Father has a penile structure,
Mother has a fallen womb,
Uncle George has been deported,
For a homosexual crime,
And the maid has just aborted,
For the 47th time.

Life presents a gloomy picture,
Of that fact there is no doubt,
Auntie Aggie has just farted,
Turned her ******** inside-out,
And the baby is no better,
With it's epileptic fits,
Every time he coughs,
He vomits,
Every time he farts,
He shits.
 

grefs

Lantern Swinger
sgtpepperband said:
grefs said:
Me no likee Blitish sailor,
Yankee sailor come ashore,
Me no likee Blitish sailor,
Yankee sailor pay one dollar.

Yankee sailor call me darling,
Blitish sailor call me f*cking whore,
Me no likee Blitish sailor,
Yankee sailor come ashore.

Yankee sailor wear french letter,
Blitish sailor wear f*ck-all,
Me no likee Blitish sailor,
Yankee sailor come ashore.

Yankee sailor f*ck and finish,
Blitish sailor f*ck for evermore,
Me no likee Blitish sailor,
Yankee sailor come ashore.
Your Mum taught you some choice nursery rhymes, didn't she?! :lol:
Well, unusal ones, to say the least. :cool:
 

polariod

Lantern Swinger
Heres one for mixed company (stand fast AAC) which used to always cause a giggle or two in the clubs and pubs when I was playing.



BELL BOTTOM TROUSERS

Once there was a waitress in the Prince George Hotel
Her mistress was a lady and her master was a swell
They knew she was a simple girl, lately from the farm
And so they watched her carefully to keep her from all harm

Chorus:-
With their bell bottom trousers and coats of navy blue
Let em climb the rigging like their daddies used to do


Along came a company of the Prince of Wales hussars
They piled into the whorehouse and packed along the bars
Many a maid and mistress and a wife before them fell
But they never laid the waitress from the Prince George hotel

Chorus:-

One day there came a sailor an ordinary bloke
A bulging at the trousers with a heart of solid oak
At sea without a woman for seven year or more
There wasn’t any need to ask what he was looking for

Chorus:-

He asked her for a candlestick to light his way to bed
He asked her for a pillow to rest his weary head
And speaking very gently as if he meant no harm
He asked her if she’d come to bed just so’s to keep him warm

Chorus:-

She lifted up the blankets and a moment there did lie
He was on her, in her in the twinkling of an eye
Out again and in again ploughing up a storm
And the only words she said to him were I hope you’re keeping warm

Chorus:-

Early in the morning the sailor he arose
Saying here’s a nine bob note my dear for the damage I have caused
If you have a daughter, bounce her on your knee
But if you have a son send the bastard of to sea

Chorus:-

So now she sits astride the dock a baby on each knee
Awaiting for the sailing ships a coming home from sea
Waiting for the jolly tars in naval uniform
And all she wants to do my boys is keep the navy warmmmmmmmmm.

Chorus and repeat:-

Pol
 

Jimmy_Green

War Hero
Jenny_Dabber said:
Sunshine mountain - need steps and a load of p*ssed up matelots!

Father Abraham!
Climbing up the Sunshine Mountain
Where the four winds blow (puff, puff, puff)
Climbing up the Sunshine Mountain
Faces all a-gloooow
No need to worry 'bout your troubles
Leave them all behind
Climbing up the Sunshine Mountain
you and I
 

grefs

Lantern Swinger
Chorus:
``````
Hoist a whaler, hoist a whaler,
Hoist a whaler high enough,
Every good ship has a mast, boys,
Every masthead has a truck.

----------------------

Every good ship has a mast, boys,
Every masthead has a truck,
Every nice girl loves a sailor,
Every sailor likes to........

chorus:
``````
Every good ship a long boat,
Every long boat has some rowlocks,
Every nice girl loves a sailor,
If he has two, great, big......

chorus:
``````
Every good ship has a helmsman,
Every helmsman does a trick,
Every nice girl loves a sailor,
If he has a nice big......

chorus:
``````
Every good ship has a figurehead,
And the figurehead's out in front,
Every nice girl loves a sailor,
If he'll only fill her......

chorus:
``````
 

Kit_Muster

Newbie
Oh, for a life on the ocean wave,
the bastard that wrote that song.
Id love to shit on his grave,
a turd nine inches long.
Because he s never been to sea ,
on a sunday afternoon.
Or if he had babies heads for tea,
he d bloody well change his tune!
 
polariod said:
Heres one for mixed company (stand fast AAC) which used to always cause a giggle or two in the clubs and pubs when I was playing.



BELL BOTTOM TROUSERS

Once there was a waitress in the Prince George Hotel
Her mistress was a lady and her master was a swell
They knew she was a simple girl, lately from the farm
And so they watched her carefully to keep her from all harm

Chorus:-
With their bell bottom trousers and coats of navy blue
Let em climb the rigging like their daddies used to do


Along came a company of the Prince of Wales hussars
They piled into the whorehouse and packed along the bars
Many a maid and mistress and a wife before them fell
But they never laid the waitress from the Prince George hotel

Chorus:-

One day there came a sailor an ordinary bloke
A bulging at the trousers with a heart of solid oak
At sea without a woman for seven year or more
There wasn’t any need to ask what he was looking for

Chorus:-

He asked her for a candlestick to light his way to bed
He asked her for a pillow to rest his weary head
And speaking very gently as if he meant no harm
He asked her if she’d come to bed just so’s to keep him warm

Chorus:-

She lifted up the blankets and a moment there did lie
He was on her, in her in the twinkling of an eye
Out again and in again ploughing up a storm
And the only words she said to him were I hope you’re keeping warm

Chorus:-

Early in the morning the sailor he arose
Saying here’s a nine bob note my dear for the damage I have caused
If you have a daughter, bounce her on your knee
But if you have a son send the bastard of to sea

Chorus:-

So now she sits astride the dock a baby on each knee
Awaiting for the sailing ships a coming home from sea
Waiting for the jolly tars in naval uniform
And all she wants to do my boys is keep the navy warmmmmmmmmm.

Chorus and repeat:-

Pol
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

chinamatelot

Lantern Swinger
Whatever happened to Hairy Mary with the cauliflower ears?

One red one, one white one, and one with a little..

forgot the damn thing!
 

polariod

Lantern Swinger
chinamatelot said:
Whatever happened to Hairy Mary with the cauliflower ears?

One red one, one white one, and one with a little..

forgot the damn thing!
Do you mean "The Mayor of Bayswater" ???

The Mayor of Bayswater, had such a lovely daughter,
and the hairs on her dicky dido hung down to her knees,
one black one, one white one and one with a bit of s***e on
oh the hairs of her dicky dido hung down by her knees.

Pol
 

chinamatelot

Lantern Swinger
polariod said:
chinamatelot said:
Whatever happened to Hairy Mary with the cauliflower ears?

One red one, one white one, and one with a little..

forgot the damn thing!
Do you mean "The Mayor of Bayswater" ???

The Mayor of Bayswater, had such a lovely daughter,
and the hairs on her dicky dido hung down to her knees,
one black one, one white one and one with a bit of s***e on
oh the hairs of her dicky dido hung down by her knees.


Sounds right - do you have the full ditty?


Pol
 

polariod

Lantern Swinger
The Mayor of Bayswater

The Mayor of Bayswater has got a lovely daughter,
And the hairs on her dicky dido hang down to her knees

Chorus
One black one, one white one,
and one with a bit of s***e on
and the hairs on her dicky dido hang down to her knees.

She married an Italian who was rigged like a feckin stallion
and the hairs on her dicky dido hang down to her knees.

Chorus

I've smelt it, I've felt it and its just like a bit of velvet
and the hairs on her dicky dido hand down to her knees.

Chorus

I've seen it, I've seen it and I've even been between it
and the hairs on her dicky dido hang down to her knees.

Chorus and repeat.

There you go China :p :p :p

Pol
 

chinamatelot

Lantern Swinger
polariod said:
The Mayor of Bayswater

The Mayor of Bayswater has got a lovely daughter,
And the hairs on her dicky dido hang down to her knees

Chorus
One black one, one white one,
and one with a bit of s***e on
and the hairs on her dicky dido hang down to her knees.

She married an Italian who was rigged like a feckin stallion
and the hairs on her dicky dido hang down to her knees.

Chorus

I've smelt it, I've felt it and its just like a bit of velvet
and the hairs on her dicky dido hand down to her knees.

Chorus

I've seen it, I've seen it and I've even been between it
and the hairs on her dicky dido hang down to her knees.

Chorus and repeat.

There you go China :p :p :p

Pol
Ta very much Pol.

The old girl is going to love me singing this in the shower now!

:p
 

polariod

Lantern Swinger
That'll be me in the clart again then China :D :D

Have you heard My Jenny Wren Bride??

Might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb :( :( :( :lol: :lol:

Pol
 

polariod

Lantern Swinger
Here you go China mate,


Jenny Wren Bride

Tune:'My Bonny Lies Over the Ocean


I've just come away from the wedding,
Oh Lord I could laugh till I cried.
I'll never forget the relations I met
When I married my Jenny Wren bride.

chorus:
Married, married, I married my Jenny Wren bri-iide,
Married, married, I married my Jenny Wren bride.

Her father he works in the dockyard,
Her brother he owns a mariners store,
And as for their habits, well talk about rabbits
They've got half the dockyard ashore.

I asked her old man for a dowry,
He gave me a can of soft soap,
A bundle of waste and some polishing paste
And fifty-six fathoms of rope.

The present we got from her brother
Was twenty-four yards of blue jean,
Her cousin, the Crusher, he sent us note-paper,
Six packets of Service Latrine.

Her family hung flags in the churchyard
And they painted the hallway with flatting,
When out stepped the bride they all piped the side,
And she tripped on the coconut matting.

Her wedding-dress, lashed up with spunyarn,
Was made from an old whaler's sail.
On top of her head a dishcloth was spread,
With a spudnet in front for a veil.

Her petticoat was made out of hessian,
Her knickers were made of green baize,
While for her suspenders she'd a motor-boat's fenders
And two pusser's gaiters for stays.

Now most of the church congregation
Was made up of Wrens on the dole
While in the back pew sat the six-inch gun's crew
And half of the standing patrol. '

The parson got up in the pulpit.
He said, "Who gives this woman away?"
Thcn a bloke from the Hood whispered: "Blimey, I could,
But let every dog have its day."

Well now, I'm just off on me honeymoon,
I don't know what happens tonight,
But I've spoke to a few who declare that they do,
And they swear she's a bit of all right.

Pol
 

momo

Badgeman
On the fifth of November back in fifty-three
The big man at Dolphin sure he sent for me:
'I brought you here, boy, 'cause I want you to know
We've booked you a berth in the water below,
With the diesel and shale, diesel and shale,
We've booked you a berth with the diesel and shale.'

Well, when I protested: 'I'm no volunteer',
He said: 'We ain't had one in many a year,
But that's a wee secret between you and me;
There's many a pressed man down under the sea,
With the diesel and shale, diesel and shale,
Down under the sea with the diesel and shale.'

'Oh doctor, dear doctor, I don't think I'm well.'
'Well, never mind, sonny, we'll very soon tell.
Try holding your breath while I count up to three.
There, that proves that you're fit to go down in (under) the sea,'
With the diesel and shale, diesel and shale,
To go down in the sea with the diesel and shale.'

I went to the storeroom to gather me rig
They gave me a sweater ten sizes too big,
I crawled down the boat like an old polar bear,
And I says to meself: 'There's a smell in the air,
And it's diesel and shale, diesel and shale ,
There's smell in the air and it's diesel and shale.'

A push on the klaxon and a ring on the gongs,
And then I was down where no mortal belongs,
Where the air's going bad and the bread's getting stale,
And they mix you a nightcap of diesel and shale,
Diesel and shale, diesel and shale,
They mix you a nightcap of diesel and shale.

Keep walking, keep walking, you foolish young man,
You know that I never would give you my hand.
Your hair is too thin and your face is too pale,
Cause you spend too much time with your diesel and shale,
Diesel and shale, diesel and shale,
You spend too much time with your diesel and shale.

We circled the Med. for a summer or two,
Where the sun is so warm and the water so blue.
Well, that's what they tell me, but I wouldn't know,
'Cause the view ain't so good when you're stuck down below,
With the diesel and shale, diesel and shale,
When you're stuck down below with THe diesel and shale.

Then the big man at Dolphin he told me at last:
'lt's time you went back to a ship with a mast.'
I feel like a Jonah a-leaving the whale
Cause l'm saying goodbye to the diesel and shale,
The diesel and shale, diesel and shale,
I'm saying goodbye to the diesel and shale.

Oh Crabby, dear Crabby, I bid you adieu,
And Synagogue Dick and THe Black Mamba too.
l'll do all me travelling by road and by rail,
And you know what to do with your diesel and shale,
Diesel and shale, diesel and shale,
You know what to do with your diesel and shale.
 
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