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Rum Ration News

witsend

MIA
Book Reviewer
Good evening. Tonights evening news is brought to you by witsend.

Top story. Royal Marine does a runner after getting his end away. An unknown Royal has duped an unsuspecting virgin in what is being tagged 'dirty rotten scoundrel'. Information is sought to identify this hero.

Sgtpepperpig of the RN's Keystone cop branch is warning users to be on their gaurd due to the increase in internet sockpuppets. He warned "They are becoming more cleverer each day. Most of them are known members outted as mongs. These mongs then assume the identity of another mong which is a bizarre identity ruse".

In health news it's being confirmed that 'Billynomates' has caught the disease Hommoitus after spending too much time hanging around that thingy thing over on the dark side of the internet. The big boss 'BCO' is said to be concerned about the spread of 'Hommoitus'. He commented "Normally BMN's posts links to phots, but this posting of cock shots is worrying".

Defence news and this week the question 'Is it really that bad?' popped up. Fleet sprog on one side commenting the navy is on the bones of its arse and Monty on the other saying take a closer look at the benefits. Defence expert admiralsfluffer sat on the fence and blamed student life.

Arts news and seafarer1939 is looking for funding to digitally enhance his 1965 9mm honeymoon flick. Entitled 'Bonking on Brighton beach' this rarely seen classic was a trailblazer for films such as 'Debbie does Dallas' and 'Animal farm'.

Charity news and Chicojiz is on the march. London to Edinburgh in August, 400 miles in 14 days for H4H. The public appear to be sceptical after his last claim about rejoining the RN as a chef. It could be make or break for the young man.

Sports news and the RNFT dominates the headlines. This reporter says "Fuck off cunts".

The weather is brought to you by Blackrat sponsored by Black Maskers. "All quiet above RR UK. Some slight dribbling from the mongs over New Zealand. Expect next week to be unsettled".
 

witsend

MIA
Book Reviewer
Newsflash,

This reporter has tried to cross the border, but it seems his passport has been revoked.

Edit,

After some negotiating and back handers, access was gained.

Special report.

It still smells like piss.The ship spotters are still spotting ships they have never served on or ever seen. crawshaw is still bigging it up surrounded by more seatime (Standfast the Doc) than Nelson.

This reporter is out!
 
Last edited:

Ageing_Gracefully

War Hero
Moderator
Review Editor
Book Reviewer
Rum Rat News - enough to force one to buy the Daily Heil or The Scum for real news! (and tits)

Yeah, this is a newspaper where are the pictures of tits/bazookas/melons/with strawberry ripples sticking out! ?

Standards are rapidly dropping in the Andrew.
 
To post a news story here have we got to be like proper journo's and get all the facts straight etc or can we just make shit up?
 

NZ_Bootneck

War Hero
Newsflash,

This reporter has tried to cross the border, but it seems his passport has been revoked.

Edit,

After some negotiating and back handers, access was gained.

Special report.

It still smells like piss.The ship spotters are still spotting ships they have never served on or ever seen. crawshaw is still bigging it up surrounded by more seatime (Standfast the Doc) than Nelson.

This reporter is out!
Good to see they're still giving the public what they want. :sleepy2:
I logged off permanently when Andy rejected my suggestion of a death pool for site members who'd passed out of Ganges or St Vincent.*

*Before anyone gets their knicks in a wotsit, I never did. Still it's not a bad idea.:slow:
 

NZ_Bootneck

War Hero
Latest news from NZ......The headlines.
Shock Horror!!! Logging driver doesn't kill a cyclist this week!
Beer, fags, sausages, chips, icecream, that new fangled McDonalds burger thingy and lard all bad for health claims crackpot scientist!
Incest is it really all that bad?
Digital TV, will it mean the end of our beloved Black and White Minstrels Show?
And on our opinion page...Sheep shagging and metrosexualism any common ground?
 
I understood it was either Borstal or Ganges at the Magistrates discretion, still everydays a school day so thanks for the gen.:-D

Barnardos were very good to me after my parents were killed in a car crash when I was five.
They made sure I was looked after properly and helped me to enter Ganges at fifteen.
Ganges sorted me out for life.

Rod-gearing
D Wing
Broadmoor
 

admiralscruff

Lantern Swinger
Beer, fags, sausages, chips, icecream, that new fangled McDonalds burger thingy and lard all bad for health claims crackpot scientist!

I saw that study. I immediately unsubscribed to that journal for running articles clearly based on lies, misleading information and obviously paid for by some nanny-state group.
 
I understood it was either Borstal or Ganges at the Magistrates discretion, still everydays a school day so thanks for the gen.:-D
Nah it was three meals a day and electricity that did it for me, biggest hurdle was waiting for my old man to sober up and sign the papers.
 
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