Rum Ration Award for.......

buffer01

Lantern Swinger
#1
Its coming towards the end of the year, so in the traditions of other media, why not have an award for thread. Two rules. Has to be relevent to the British Armed Forces/MOD and secondly, be a little tongue in cheek.
I think a fitting trophy would be a fresh dog turd on a wooden stand.

So, for starters, The Buffer's award for

Parent of the year goes to....

Ma Olver and the three ugly sisters from Plymouth. They were the lovely family who videoed and egged their toddlers into fighting each other.

Community Spirit Award

The residents of Mole Valley who opposed the planning permission for Hedley Courts extention. Still sickens me.

Partner of the Year

Lots of competition on this one. I feel a contender would be Ms Holly Wood, who left Lance Bombardier Ben Parkinson for his oppo, who I believe has a full compliment of limbs. Fooking Who-are!

Interviewer of the Year
I'm discounting Sir Trevor McDonut from this nomination for poor interview technique. I would have asked the crew of HMS Cornwall, "Who ate all the pies?"
School boy error Sir Trev.

Feel free to add
 
#2
Politician of the Year

Alistair Darling MP - for finding £40 Billion to bail out a private company (Northern Rock) whilst the Treasury insists it cannot afford to pay pensions to ex-Servicemen who served less than 22-years man's time before 1974, thereby being not entitled to a penny's pension!

Padre of the Year

Ex-Vice Squad policeman received compensation from Pusser after complaining that he, a Baby Padre, had been subjected to unimaginable filth on the messdecks. As a result, the RN have banned DVDs of the Magic Roundabout from all pusser's war canoes.

Gadget of the Year (NOT)

The iPod... every Iranian hijacker must have one! One particular iPod brought the RN into disrepute earlier this year and was exploited by the then Secretary of State for Defence to divert public attention away from the the real issues.
 

sgtpepperband

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#4
Anti-climax of the Year

Tony Blair stands down as Prime Minister...

Ironic Promotion of the Year

...Tony Blair being appointed official Envoy of the Quartet on the Middle East on behalf of the United Nations, the European Union, the United States and Russia.

8O
 

Pitfirrane

Lantern Swinger
#5
Quickest U Turn of the Year

The Security Minister Admiral Lord West: did not think that there was a case for extending holding without charge at 0810 on The Today programme. 0915 after a cuppa with GB thought that the case was fully made for bang em up and throw away the key for ?? days (you name a period).
 
#6
Helping to enhance the destruction of the Union

The Home Office Minister (who shall remain nameless) who has decreed that Scottish Police receive their payrises before the English & Welsh Police thereby creating further calls for the destruction of the Union.

A 'Caring' Prime Minister

For making himself invisible, but still managing to sign (in his absence) the death warrant of a once proud Union.


(Yet more nails driven into the death of a united nations by this incredible band of incompetents)
 
#8
The Arther Daley Award for dodgy goods

Tony Bush for trying to flog knighthoods - and didn't save one for hmself!

The biggest Muppet in charge of a nuclear bomb

George "Dubya" Bush - just for having a middle name like "Dubya"
 
#10
CUSTOMER SUPPORT HELPLINE OF THE YEAR 2007

And the award goes to.............NONE OF THE BASTARDS!!

(For new claims...press 1...for old claims...press 2.....did you say "Yes"?...
I'm sorry.....I did not understand that......type in your ninety-three digit
membership number now....followed by the hash.......I am sorry I did
not understand that.........Your call is important to us.......YOU ARE.....
one hundred and sixth in the queue........Please Press 4 and wait for the
list of choices......HELLO and welcome....I am sorry I did not understand that......
Please wait....I am connecting you to one of our Customer Liaison
Staff.......I will now play you some fecking crap music........Please press 6, 7, 2, 9,
and the Hash Key........BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP!!!)
 
#11
buffer01 said:
Its coming towards the end of the year, so in the traditions of other media, why not have an award for thread. Two rules. Has to be relevent to the British Armed Forces/MOD and secondly, be a little tongue in cheek.
I think a fitting trophy would be a fresh dog turd on a wooden stand.

So, for starters, The Buffer's award for

Parent of the year goes to....

Ma Olver and the three ugly sisters from Plymouth. They were the lovely family who videoed and egged their toddlers into fighting each other.

Community Spirit Award

The residents of Mole Valley who opposed the planning permission for Hedley Courts extention. Still sickens me.

Partner of the Year

Lots of competition on this one. I feel a contender would be Ms Holly Wood, who left Lance Bombardier Ben Parkinson for his oppo, who I believe has a full compliment of limbs. Fooking Who-are!
Interviewer of the Year
I'm discounting Sir Trevor McDonut from this nomination for poor interview technique. I would have asked the crew of HMS Cornwall, "Who ate all the pies?"
School boy error Sir Trev.

Feel free to add
perhaps the real reason buffy was that he had a very small willy and his mate had a bigger one :rendeer:
 
#14
The Award For Helping Servicemen in Hospital.

The M P for Selly Oak who backed the muslims who verbually attacked the servicemen in Selly Oak Hospital.
 
#18
Most Uninteresting Military Museum Display
The Victoria Cross 'Hall Of Valour' at the New Zealand National Army Museum, as all the VCs were stolen, last weekend, the whole point of the display is moot.
 
#19
Quietest Man of The Year Award

Gen Sir Kevin O'Donoghue; for during a time when the Service Chiefs of Staff have been making it known that there are equipment and capability shortfalls, the man that holds the purse strings for large parts of the solution says nothing.
 
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