Rum Ration Award for.......

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by buffer01, Dec 7, 2007.

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  1. Its coming towards the end of the year, so in the traditions of other media, why not have an award for thread. Two rules. Has to be relevent to the British Armed Forces/MOD and secondly, be a little tongue in cheek.
    I think a fitting trophy would be a fresh dog turd on a wooden stand.

    So, for starters, The Buffer's award for

    Parent of the year goes to....

    Ma Olver and the three ugly sisters from Plymouth. They were the lovely family who videoed and egged their toddlers into fighting each other.

    Community Spirit Award

    The residents of Mole Valley who opposed the planning permission for Hedley Courts extention. Still sickens me.

    Partner of the Year

    Lots of competition on this one. I feel a contender would be Ms Holly Wood, who left Lance Bombardier Ben Parkinson for his oppo, who I believe has a full compliment of limbs. Fooking Who-are!

    Interviewer of the Year
    I'm discounting Sir Trevor McDonut from this nomination for poor interview technique. I would have asked the crew of HMS Cornwall, "Who ate all the pies?"
    School boy error Sir Trev.

    Feel free to add
     
  2. Politician of the Year

    Alistair Darling MP - for finding £40 Billion to bail out a private company (Northern Rock) whilst the Treasury insists it cannot afford to pay pensions to ex-Servicemen who served less than 22-years man's time before 1974, thereby being not entitled to a penny's pension!

    Padre of the Year

    Ex-Vice Squad policeman received compensation from Pusser after complaining that he, a Baby Padre, had been subjected to unimaginable filth on the messdecks. As a result, the RN have banned DVDs of the Magic Roundabout from all pusser's war canoes.

    Gadget of the Year (NOT)

    The iPod... every Iranian hijacker must have one! One particular iPod brought the RN into disrepute earlier this year and was exploited by the then Secretary of State for Defence to divert public attention away from the the real issues.
     
  3. Canoeist of The Year.

    That bloke from Seaton Carew: Costa del Cleveland to Panama City, some achievement.
     
  4. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Anti-climax of the Year

    Tony Blair stands down as Prime Minister...

    Ironic Promotion of the Year

    ...Tony Blair being appointed official Envoy of the Quartet on the Middle East on behalf of the United Nations, the European Union, the United States and Russia.

    8O
     
  5. Quickest U Turn of the Year

    The Security Minister Admiral Lord West: did not think that there was a case for extending holding without charge at 0810 on The Today programme. 0915 after a cuppa with GB thought that the case was fully made for bang em up and throw away the key for ?? days (you name a period).
     
  6. Helping to enhance the destruction of the Union

    The Home Office Minister (who shall remain nameless) who has decreed that Scottish Police receive their payrises before the English & Welsh Police thereby creating further calls for the destruction of the Union.

    A 'Caring' Prime Minister

    For making himself invisible, but still managing to sign (in his absence) the death warrant of a once proud Union.


    (Yet more nails driven into the death of a united nations by this incredible band of incompetents)
     
  7. Teddy Bears Pic Nic of the year award

    GILLIAN GIBBONS :w00t: :w00t: :w00t:
     
  8. The Arther Daley Award for dodgy goods

    Tony Bush for trying to flog knighthoods - and didn't save one for hmself!

    The biggest Muppet in charge of a nuclear bomb

    George "Dubya" Bush - just for having a middle name like "Dubya"
     
  9. TALENTLESS TWAT ON TV AWARD

    Russel Brand...Ant and Dec....Vanessa Feltz....Dawn French...list is endless
     
  10. CUSTOMER SUPPORT HELPLINE OF THE YEAR 2007

    And the award goes to.............NONE OF THE BASTARDS!!

    (For new claims...press 1...for old claims...press 2.....did you say "Yes"?...
    I'm sorry.....I did not understand that......type in your ninety-three digit
    membership number now....followed by the hash.......I am sorry I did
    not understand that.........Your call is important to us.......YOU ARE.....
    one hundred and sixth in the queue........Please Press 4 and wait for the
    list of choices......HELLO and welcome....I am sorry I did not understand that......
    Please wait....I am connecting you to one of our Customer Liaison
    Staff.......I will now play you some fecking crap music........Please press 6, 7, 2, 9,
    and the Hash Key........BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP!!!)
     
  11. perhaps the real reason buffy was that he had a very small willy and his mate had a bigger one :rendeer:
     
  12. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    GR: So all those women who say 'size isn't important' are lying then..?! :?
     
  13. most definitely mate ...
     
  14. The Award For Helping Servicemen in Hospital.

    The M P for Selly Oak who backed the muslims who verbually attacked the servicemen in Selly Oak Hospital.
     
  15. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

  16. Bloody hell Ninja, that's a cracking find mate.
     
  17. Most Uninteresting Military Museum Display
    The Victoria Cross 'Hall Of Valour' at the New Zealand National Army Museum, as all the VCs were stolen, last weekend, the whole point of the display is moot.
     
  18. Quietest Man of The Year Award

    Gen Sir Kevin O'Donoghue; for during a time when the Service Chiefs of Staff have been making it known that there are equipment and capability shortfalls, the man that holds the purse strings for large parts of the solution says nothing.
     
  19. P-O-L is he due to retire soon? Thats when he'll come out fightin', got to secure the Pension. :thumright:
    NZB
     

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