Rules to Live By

#1
Rules to Live By
================

Sometimes we need to remember WHAT the Rules of life really are.

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three alcoholic beverages
of any kind.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.
If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital
relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right".

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately.
It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you
was: "Go! You might meet somebody!"

7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her û
believe them.

8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself,
ôWill this matter one year from now?ö
How about one month?
One week?
One day?

9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations!
You have another chance!

11. Living well really is the best revenge.
Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just
might mean that the other person was right about you.

12. Work is good, but it's not that important.

13. And finally, be really nice to your friends and family.
You never know when you are going to need them to empty your
bedpan.
 

Darb

Lantern Swinger
#3
"Yes Dear" is a handy phrase.

It's easier to seek forgiveness than approval.

Never eat peanuts in from a dish in a bar.

Work to live, don't live to work.

Don't sweat the small stuff

Sh*t happens

Remember that hangovers are important. If they didn't exist, how would you realy know what feeling good feels like?
 
#4
As my Old Sea Dad, A/B Roger Sexton taught me on HMS Loch Killisport in 1963.

Rule 1. If you see somebody running on a ship stop them, if they won't stop run with them cos they obviously know something you do not.

Rule 2. All ladies are nice just some are nicer than others.

Rule 3. If it is alcoholic, wet and paid for DRINK IT, you do not have to like it.

These rules I still follow to this day.

Nutty
 
#7
Nutty said:
Rule 4. Growing old is compuslory, growing up is optional. Never ever take up this option.

NUtty
I though men had no choice? I would however suggest an amendment:

4a) Growing old is compulsory.
4b) Growing up is optional
4c) Growing you hair is conditional
4d) Growing face fungus is occupational
4e) Growing cannabis is illegal
4f) Growing your nails is plain silly when you can bite them

Of these:-

REAL MEN are obliged to do 4a, 4f and refuse to do 4b;
CONDITIONAL MEN are not obliged to any of these
RICH men must only do 4e
WOMEN should try and avoid 4d and preferably heed 4f - it would hurt less!
 
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