Rouge poo won't flush!

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Rachelthree, Aug 16, 2014.

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  1. First night at a mans friend house and had to have a nervous poo, risky I know but he has popped out to the shop to get some fatty snacks etc- so I smugly saw this as a prime opportunity to have one.

    However the bastard won't flush! I have about 20 mins before he returns and trying to go through my options.

    1) try and liberate it from the bowl, this runs the risk of being caught brown handed but also how does one dispose of the evidence?

    2) deny all knowledge and cover with some toilet paper, try to think of a convincing theory such as reports from other houses of things coming back up the pipes hours after flushing.

    3) do a shit and run.

    I know this isnt ladylike but I bet some of you filthers have some good tips, SOS!
    • Bullshit Bullshit x 3
  2. Pick it out with some paper and stick it on the bottom of one of his shoes. Then say what's that smell?
  3. Beat it to death with his toothbrush (but don't kiss him after he's cleaned his teeth).
  4. Picking it out is a plan, worried that fragments from the wreckage might make their way on to me though. The toothbrush idea is a good one, but he has one of those posho electric jobs, I knew he was too classy for me- why couldn't he have a wilko saver pack stashed away :( the time is nearly nigh, hoping that the toilet has had time to settle and will flush any moment now. The only saving grace is that he lives alone, otherwise his mum might question why I have been in there so long.
  5. Why is it coloured rouge?

    Have you been eating beetroot or something?
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    Either way, after 49 minutes on the crapper, I'd have thought someone may have gathered there was a problem, Houston.
  7. This is a troll. Girl's don't poo.
    • Informative Informative x 1
  8. Or fart until you marry them!
  9. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    Must admit, under similar circumstances, my first instinct wouldn't have been to use my mobile to solve a plumbing & social etiquette query on Rum Ration.

    A call to the Fire Brigade & uploading a photo onto Facebook to update one's status, would've been more sensible.
    • Like Like x 1
  10. JCT

    JCT Badgeman

    Get him so shitfaced that when he recovers, he assumes he did it.
    • Like Like x 2
  11. Make sure you sit on his face at some point in the evening.
  12. Guns

    Guns War Hero Moderator

    Hot water poured in the bowl will clear most blockages. Best boiling from a kettle. It softens up the blockage.

    Due to the crap plumbing n Canada I regularly have to do this.
    • Informative Informative x 3
  13. We need photographic evidence.
  14. "999 Emergency"
    " I've got a bio-chemical disaster in my shitter"
    • Like Like x 1
  15. Sounds like your back door has been smashed out. Maybe smashed in later though, eh?
  16. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    Just goes to show. Even the "well educated" can be uncouth, pissed and unable to spell rogue, eh?

    I feel sorry for the romantic suitor who was half hoping he would return from the chippy to find a naked girl in his bed, only to find four blokes in breathing apparatus, a blocked bog, a video of a floating turd on his Facebook page which has gone viral with all his mates lolling at him and a TV news crew outside his flat.
    • Like Like x 8
  17. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    One can only assume that the age old expression ~~"Slack arsed mare" was coined for such a person!
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • Bullshit Bullshit x 1
  18. Weigh it down with something heavy, like a shoe and then flush Turdzilla away. Retrieve the shoe and clean it up with a flannel.

    Basic physics really.
  19. It is now well into the day after the event. The walk of shame has taken place. SitRep?

    Don't forget - photos or it didn't happen.

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