Now this is a topic that could run and run. We've all been there. You know, that situation where you've been made to look a total and utter twat by one of your seniors/DS. Each person who has been in this situation has, in their head, planned revenge. I'll get you started. As Junior Leaders, we got our fair share of shite and beats (no childrens act as such in '89) from our DS, as we were the leaders of the future. A bit like Dan Dare if you will, but without the panache and the eyebrows (the crab cnut). On one field exercise (we spent virtually all our time in the field, hence the nickname "Cabbages") i fell foul of an evil Sergeant, who for OPSEC reasons will be known as Smith. Now Smith didn't like me, calling me a "Cocky London fucker" because of one incident, as follows. Imagine the scene, it's freezing on one of the Catterick training areas and young JL Cpl Blackrat is making a brew with his last packet of coffee. Smith comes over to me and says "Making a brew are we sonny?" I replied in the affirmative and he states "I can't find me mug" hinting that he wanted my brew. I was dead against giving him a swig as he was, in my opinion, an unclean type and had halitosis that could have revived a corpse. However, stating this outright would have been signing my death warrant. Politely i said " Would you like a bit Sgt?" to which he replied "Do bears shit in the woods?". Quick as flash i quipped "Not in these woods they don't!" Smith stared at me, growled, decked me with a straight right and walked off with my brew. 10 minutes later, he threw the mug back at me and it bounced off my head. Quite frankly, i was going to kill the fucker. Later that evening, i volunteered to do stag at 0200hrs as i had planned my revenge. Being on compo for the last three days, i had yet to vacate my bowels, and my body was telling me the time was imminent. At 0200hrs, i took up position in the forward trench and waited for around 10 minutes. I knew where Smith's basha was at the other end of the Platoon harbour area. As stealthy as a gurkha who needs one more ear to complete his necklace, i moved to the swines basha. Just outside his route in, i took off my webbing, laid my weapon upon it, dropped my combats and kecks and proceeded to curl out a nest of dogs eggs by his head. This is not as easy as it sounds. When you have a compo crap, your hoop stretches like someone who has attended a party with Barrymore and the cable you lay has the same dimensions as an Anaconda. It doesn't help when you are giggling inanely to yourself either. Anyhoo, i finished the deed and placed my used tissues into the boots of said Sgt Smith. Looking down, i was astounded to find that the thing i had just laid could have been hollowed out by Bear Grylls and used as a canoe. I moved back to my stag position and waited for the inevitable fall out. At stand to a few hours later, i could hear an almighty scream from the other end of the harbour area. It sounded like someone screaming "Which one of you cunts has put shit roll in my boots? Someone is going to die!" This was nothing to the noise of him exiting his basha with a scream of "Arrrrrggghhh! I've just put my hand in a massive shit. I'm going to find this fucker and kill him, so help me i will" Needless to say, no-one had the stones to own up, but everyone found it hilarious, even the other DS. I was still laughing when the fuckers tabbed us for ten miles in full kit. I feel better getting that off my chest now. Any other examples?