Return of the Emperor Mong

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#1
It looks like the Emperor spoke well to two drunken yobs with a pit bull:

EM: "My children. Start a fight with those three chaps in suits over there. They are smartly dressed, therefore are weak."

Yobs: "Fucking hell your Mongness. You are right. Let's give them some"

EM: "Mwah ah hahahahahahahahahahahaha"

Read all abaht it http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepag...oys/3227540/Military-heroes-in-yobs-rout.html

It's a thing of beauty.
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#7
It was this quote that got me:

"After they ended up on the ground the guys just calmly adjusted their suits and walked off."

Utter class.
 
#9
Blackrat said:
It was this quote that got me:

"After they ended up on the ground the guys just calmly adjusted their suits and walked off."

Utter class.
That's got the hint of James Bond about it.

I'd like to know what they did to the pit bull which "ran off yelping" :D
 
#12
WreckerL said:
Blackrat said:
It was this quote that got me:

"After they ended up on the ground the guys just calmly adjusted their suits and walked off."

Utter class.
That's got the hint of James Bond about it.

I'd like to know what they did to the pit bull which "ran off yelping" :D
Probably filleted it and flogged the meat to a local Thai restaurant.

This story has made my day.
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#13
The Emperor has spoken to me on numerous occasions. The most recent was when i was in the field in August:

EM - "My child. You have been on your feet all day patrolling and the like. Look at the weather. The sun has shined all day promising a fine night. Why bother faffing around in the dark putting up a basha? Just put your doss bag in your bivvi bag, climb in and all will be well"

Blackrat - "Are you sure your Highness? It looks like the weather may turn and i've got a couple of holes in my bivvi bag. Saying that, i'm on my chinstrap"

EM - "Have i ever let you down?"

Picture the scene. At approximately 0330hrs, i am woken by an incoming patrol.

Patrol Commander (Shaking me furiously) - "Boss, boss. Wake the fuck up. It's pissing it down with rain, your maggot is soaking and your bivvy bag is by your feet"

Blackrat - "Shit"

EM - "Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha..............."
 
G

guestm

Guest
#14
There is a list inside my head of people who I would definitely not like to punch me in the face. In the higher echelons of that list is Mark Donaldson VC.

As for the emperor mong, a true ARRSE classic. The Emperor has spoken to me also, on many occasions. His calming, authoritive voice always puts me at ease with my actions:

EM: MLP, it has only just gone midnight. Yes, you are thrattled having been in the bar since seven, but you have a bottle of Jamesons in your room and these new friends of yours will no doubt enjoy many more hours of hilarity back in the confines of ones accomodation.

MLP: But, oh glorious one, I have a career defining exam at 0800 and haven't done any revision whatsoever.

EM: Well, it's too late now, and besides, the less horrific looking one is giving off all the signals that she might put out. You can wake happily unhungover in good time having spent your wad and get an hours revision in before you start. There's no chance you'll be late and then score a record low.

MLP: All valid points, thankyou my lord, how could I ever have doubted you.


EM: Mwahahahaaa.
 
G

guestm

Guest
#17
v8topcat said:
Classic
There is a God after all.The Emperor Mong I salute you.

Is it right that one of the "attacked" is a double amputee wheelchair user?
Yes, Capt (now Major) Norton.
 
#18
Montigny-La-Palisse said:
v8topcat said:
Classic
There is a God after all.The Emperor Mong I salute you.

Is it right that one of the "attacked" is a double amputee wheelchair user?
Yes, Capt (now Major) Norton.
If all me fcukin smilies hadn't upped and gone I would salute the man many times. :salute: Hang on I've found one. :salute:
BZ Major Norton. :salute:
 

Hedgeporker

Lantern Swinger
#19
I wonder what Major Norton actually did. I like to think that from his vantage point he downed one of them with a swift snap of his arm in the direction of a groin, and then made to bite the dog which sent it flying with it's tail between it's legs.
 
#20
v8topcat said:
Montigny-La-Palisse said:
v8topcat said:
Classic
There is a God after all.The Emperor Mong I salute you.

Is it right that one of the "attacked" is a double amputee wheelchair user?
Yes, Capt (now Major) Norton.
If all me fcukin smilies hadn't upped and gone I would salute the man many times. :salute: Hang on I've found one. :salute:
BZ Major Norton. :salute:
Yeah mine have gone AWOL as well, who's nickin the buggers?
 
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