Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by stirling2, Sep 1, 2009.

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  1. If the meeja are to be believed peeps are turning thier back on the church, attendance is down apart from when Songs of Praise visit yardy yardy yardy. Well the church at the top of my road is the exeption, built in the 60's along with the estate Church of our Lady is packed out EVERY Sunday, large car park at the side of church, crammo, large car park at the GP practise next door, crammo as are the surrounding side streets.
    Quite a few high end motors driven by what look like single mature women in Sunday best well worth a poke, so, should I ditch my agnostic beliefs , become a left footer just so's I can get my end away..........
    pulling one or two of these women would not be a problem as I am even more essence than Monty and when thier heads are banging up against my headboard and they shout ' Oh my god oh my god ' at least I will know they are being sincere.

    So, advice gents if you will, shall I iron my one and only shirt, get along there on Sunday and be a hypocrite or stand by my life held belief and ruminate on what might have been.
  2. Just hang around the door, when they come out after being "saved", slip into the queue behind the totty of choice and spark up a conversation.....simples
  3. As a variation on "all's fair in love and war", go for it. I’m not sure how it works for the agnostic contingent but at least we atheists don’t have to worry about Big G exacting divine retribution for unfair practice.
  4. As the Church of Sex promotes priest sex with smally boys and young teenage girls, I suggest you join up and shag all the adult women in sight.
  5. Do what you have to do to get your yazoo.
  6. Like your style Wreck , I have given 'The Shirt' a wash and will polish my Hush Puppies before Sunday.
  7. Your style suits me also P-O-L , will not have to go out during storms in case JC's dad hits me with a bolt of lightening.
  8. You are spot on aswell Steve.
  9. Ah, bolts of lightning. You’ve not done this before; say, around JUL 84? God’s an American, you were the target but the Minster stopped one instead?
  10. I say get in there, Stirling. If, once you've breathed your last, you find yourself sitting on a fluffy cloud, big G will be happy you 'saw the light'. You win. And if there is nothing but darkness, you haven't lost out either. Then there are all those rich GILFs. Winner.
  11. Was passing that night with my best drinking oppo, we heard a crash but as we were pished , gave each other a puzzled look, shrugged our shoulders and carried on to the takeaway.
  12. Have managed to find a tie to go with the shirt for Sunday, may give the boots another bull, thanks for all responses. :)
  13. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    Most matelots would commit matricide to get a bit. A little bit of hypocritical church going never did any harm!
  14. Welcome back TO.
  15. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    Cheers mate, I'd love to hear the follow up to this dit, but back to sea on Sunday so won't find out if your holy approach pays off. One of my mates is recently divorced (well, last year) and hasn't had a bit since. He started Salsa classes, nothing yet, maybe he should have tried church.
  16. Failure.

    Sat on wall of GP practise next door to church in jeans and t-shirt with baseball cap pulled down as I watched the punters arriving for church, one lady in Audi Q7 looked promising even though she was carring a few extra pounds. Another in a BMW 3 series also caught my eye, potential victims selected I went home and got changed and I must say I did look the business. Timed it just right for them exiting church, Mrs Q7 was about the 10th person to emerge so I made a beeline for her, getting along famously and she did seem attracted, accidental scraping of talons on my arm told me all I needed to know as we strode gently to the car park.
    'Where are you parked' she asks, ' I walked here, I only live just down the road', her eyes lit up as we made our way to my flat.
    My flat is about 200 yds from the church and as we drew closer I could feel her attitude start to change, obviously never been down the road when visiting church the fact it was a council estate was to be the end of this encounter, she made some excuse about forgetting another appointment and off she went.
    Got home and looking through my kitchen window I could see she was on her mobile, probably telling all the other mature totty to stay clear of me.
  17. Dear me Stirl, haven't you read your copy of the New Bible

    Blessed are the wealthy for they shall inherit the World's money, donate loads of dosh to aid their clergy in living very comfortably thank you, and live in gated communities away from thou unwashed, unblessed, unchosen.


    A council estate dweller has as much change of entering the Kingdom of Heaven, as an affluent, middle class Christian woman has of marrying the Pope.


    Capitalism is next to Godliness!
  18. I bow to your superior knowledge of left footer church and all things posh Steve. :)
  19. I wouldn't worry about God striking you down.

    As Grandma visited the monastery of Jasna Gory in Poland I sat outside reading Clive Barker's Books of Blood and remained unscathed. In addition to which, as Isaac Asimov pointed out, the greatest win of science over religion was in the 1700's when churches started fitting lightening conductors to their roofs ;)

  20. Fair one Pink.

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