Whilst enjoying some shite ale laced with pipe cleaner last night, I thought on many things which I wish I hadn't done in my short life thus far. Whilst some of my peers came up with the usual, (first wife, selling houses etc) I realised that I only seem to regret the rather more leftfield acts and decisions. So, in good RR fashion, here I shall lay bare the only things I have ever regretted in 34 years: 1. Trading in my millenium falcon for 4 Roy of the Rovers annuals at bring in your toys day at primary school. My dad gave me a fucking hiding and original Star Wars toys are now worth shitloads. 2. Supporting Carlisle United. 30 years of utter shite whilst all my mates enjoy cup finals, Champions league nights and generally decent football. I watch 11 spastics chase the vball around like it has a fucking bell in it. All the while I stand next to a couple of farmers and mentalists who piss in the decrepit cow shed of a stand. 3. Not shagging Blue Peter's Helen Skelton when I had the chance. 4. Offering out a large Chilean in Valpairaiso who I figured couldn't handle himslef because he was South American. Swiftly followed by a period of mustering my own teeth with broken fingers. 5. Deciding that I was too drunk not to drive and walking would be too dangerous on the night of my promotion to PO. 6. Throwing a camping Gaz cannister on a campfire and returning to it after 30 minutes of it just glowing and not exploding. 7. Having 5 pints in the Dryad bar prior to FTT in 2001. 8. Whilst cocking around in Jetskis in Antigua, buckling to peer pressure when told. "You should jump that speedboat wake as it goes past, those chicks laying on the beach would think you are cool as fuck." 9. Hearing the screech of an incoming rocket, turning to my mate and saying. "That'll be miles away, I'm not moving." 10. Whilst hurtling around the roads near lake Ullswater, spotting a gap around a tractor 40yds short of a sharp right hander and thinking. "I can get through there." 11. Thinking that no socks are better than damp socks for a CFT. 12. Deliberately swamping myself at a hanger party in MPA for a laugh, and then having to walk about 3 miles back to the accomodation at 4am in the Falklands winter with wet jeans. I don't really care about anything else, it has shaped me well. What are yours?