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Red Bloody Nose Day

SONAR-BENDER

War Hero
Is it just me? I hate Red Nose Day - seriously, I'm not after a bite.

All we see are tearful 'celebs', half of whom we have never heard off, bleating on about the poverty in Africa. Well, what about the poverty in the UK? Yes, before some self righteous type leaps on me, I believe they do spend some cash in the UK, but the emphasis is on Africa. And who has put up the cash for the Z list celebs to white water raft down the river? How does that highlight the problems?

Africa, for the most part, has been in a shit state since I was a nipper, many moons ago. If I didn't eat my food it was taken away to 'be given to the poor starving Africans - it wasn't, the dog had it.

Anyway, all this loot that Geldof and Co raise - hardly any of it gets to the starving. I have no links but have read in the past that it actually encourages a number of them to follow the aid trail. It is also sugested that huge amounts makes its way into the pockets of officials and suchlike - shock horror.

I know that there will be a couple of hand wringing responses, hence posting in Lil's, but I shall not be watching telly on Red Nose Day - I've got some special paint I want to watch drying.

I also hate Sport Relief for the same reasons!
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero


"This is M'buto Kalawanga - he's only twelve and he's running out of bullets. His younger
brothers, Katanga and Mandingo are desperately in need of some X-Box training in Call
Of Duty III - Congo Showdown. They don't want a water pump, bags of rice or a nice
new tent to live in......but would be grateful if you could send 'em some I-Pads, Nike
*Air* Trainers, some Windows mobile phones and about 50,000 rounds of 7.62mm
ammunition. Any money you pledge will be divided up between Oxfam, the O/C of
the 33rd Congo Toddlers Armoured Brigade and the current Government in the ratio:
1% - 40% - the rest to the Government Officials. Remember! Every five pounds you
pledge will ensure that each soldier has enough ammunition to blat away with and
they also will receive a brand new machete from *Machete-Aid.org*. This voice over
was done (for free) by Liam Neeson in a very serious actors tone.........now back to
the studio where Lord Alan Sugar will perform with "River Dance".

Thank you.
 

slim

War Hero
Aid to Africa is one of my many hates.
When I was 5 I used to go to Sunday school, we were always collecting for the poor starving African children.
60+ years later I have stopped going to Sunday school and stopped believing in Fairy tales, Africa is a bottomless pit of corruption and always will be as long as the tribal system of government is kept. Plus for every £1 collected how many pennies actually reach the point at which they can do some good?
They can poke their red noses up their arses, in fact if they do that I may even donate a couple of quid!:pottytrain1::pottytrain1::thefinger:
 
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SONAR-BENDER

War Hero


"This is M'buto Kalawanga - he's only twelve and he's running out of bullets. His younger
brothers, Katanga and Mandingo are desperately in need of some X-Box training in Call
Of Duty III - Congo Showdown. They don't want a water pump, bags of rice or a nice
new tent to live in......but would be grateful if you could send 'em some I-Pads, Nike
*Air* Trainers, some Windows mobile phones and about 50,000 rounds of 7.62mm
ammunition. Any money you pledge will be divided up between Oxfam, the O/C of
the 33rd Congo Toddlers Armoured Brigade and the current Government in the ratio:
1% - 40% - the rest to the Government Officials. Remember! Every five pounds you
pledge will ensure that each soldier has enough ammunition to blat away with and
they also will receive a brand new machete from *Machete-Aid.org*. This voice over
was done (for free) by Liam Neeson in a very serious actors tone.........now back to
the studio where Lord Alan Sugar will perform with "River Dance".

Thank you.


That would be very funny - if it wasn't probably true! Apart from the Amstrad bloke bit!
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
I'm with you SB, especially all those "comedians" doing one-off "hilarious" episodes or sketches of whatever series made them famous.

Invariably they ain't funny as just serve as a vehicle to get their mugs on screen.

Whilst I'm in rant mode, all those multi-millionaire pop star/footballers/actors telling me to send in my dosh..donate all your fucking dosh, you can afford it...twats!!
 
I hate the bloody annual boreathon as well; slightly more than Africa's permanent begging bowl.

Solve World hunger and it would last about 15 years, if we were lucky. If they eat, they shag and the number of mouths needing food goes up like a going up thing on Going Up Monday. Reality's hard and brutal.

This question needs one of those votey thingies; or has the new whizzie Site dropped those?
 

Rocket_Ron

Lantern Swinger
One day a year Lenny Henry, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, etc, etc,etc, get to work, and some on here want it stopped.
I put it to you gentleman, that if they don`t fill their pockets with expenses on this one day, then some BBC commissioning agent will take pity and give them a series. Its far easier to bite the bullet, go down the pub, avoid the twat with the collection bucket, then have multiple programmes, repeats, red buttons, and then Dave.
 
G

guestm

Guest
Hey, someone has to support corrupt governments in a shithole continent that will never change. Red nose day and comic relief can fuck off. There are proper charities out there who need money to stay alive.
 

lesbryan

War Hero
I have never ever supported red nose day and never will .They used to come in mty local until the landlord got pissed off with em and told em not to come anymore,The likes of wogan and company creamed millions off the proceeds also its about time we supported our own its a load of shite also spoils the telly viewing
 

SONAR-BENDER

War Hero
Hey you miserable honkeys, git wit da program, us is starving and eating dust over here. Send us da money, send us da horse meat, send us da empty lynx shower gel bottles dat smell soooo good, we willz eat it all.

You guyz dont know you is born, get ya honkey red noses on for us and get us da money. Tee, hee, hee.

Welcome to our humble site Sambo (Billy, Rummers?)

I'm sorry we have no socks for your puppet, but this is because we are mainly elderly gentlemen, some smelling strongly of urine, others taking it. As such we collectively have no spare cash, having donated lots to the poor of Nigeria, as we were contacted by e-mail regarding 'special offers'.


Hope Fridai is good for you.
 
G

guestm

Guest
Welcome to our humble site Sambo (Billy, Rummers?)

I'm sorry we have no socks for your puppet, but this is because we are mainly elderly gentlemen, some smelling strongly of urine, others taking it. As such we collectively have no spare cash, having donated lots to the poor of Nigeria, as we were contacted by e-mail regarding 'special offers'.


Hope Fridai is good for you.

It's Redmist.
 

flymo

War Hero
Every 2 years or so the Jersey 'great and good' :pukeright: organise a trip to Africa tro do some kind of good thing. As an 18 year old Mrs Flymowent on the trip to Tanzania so that teh team could build a village hospital. She saw how the local blokes couldn't give a rats arse to do anything just sitting around (sunbathing? ...) whilst the women got on with just looking after the kids.

There were happy with their existence and didn't care about what the Jersey team were doing. And you wont find Mrs Flymo donating anything apart from a fart to those in Africa. Harsh but true. And I can't believe that I bought two tickets to the Live Aid gig back in '85. Took a bird, didn't get a shag and the LP sales of the performers rocketed. Co-incidence? My derriere it is.

It is noted that some old bird has got a gong for sending shoe boxes full of gifts donated by locals here to Romanian children's homes as they are so poor. Hmm, how did they afford to buy and run HMS London then?

It is all about me, me. I expect the team behind Holidays for Heroes are awaiting their immanent gong too.
 
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