Raleigh Stereotypes

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by 2_deck_dash, Nov 13, 2009.

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  1. Not a thread about sound sytems unfortunately.

    On every course I have ever been on there is at least one of the following people:

    The ex Sea Cadet or RNR type, who knows a bit of Jack speak and has some basic grasp of knots. Unfortunately they manage to make themselves hated by everyone by acting like the font of all fcuking knowledge and talking down to people. Usually found trying to make friends with the instructors or reading a book about Jack Aubrey.

    The divs chick. She is not actually that divs but is the best looking of a poor selection, usually from Liverpool and with a penchant for orange beauty products. Unbelievably stupid but manages to scrape through the course on her good looks and charm alone. She can be found getting routed by the course PTI.

    The fat chick. She is a fcuking monstrosity but thinks she is the Lord's gift to all things male. She latches on to the divs chick like a leach and gets fcuked by the dodgy Scottish lad from the course above.

    The dodgy Scottish guy from the course above. He has no friends on his own course due to his poor personal hygiene and unbelievably gash dits, but he hangs around anyway giving advice and tips. He is regarded as a god by the younger more gullible types on your course because he helped them get through their first kit muster.

    The old guy. No one knows why he is here, he had a good steady job before joining but decided to give the RN ago anyway. He is nicknamed 'Grandad' and generally keeps himself to himself, at the end of the course he goes for a pint with the PO gunners from the drill shed to watch the darts.

    The smoker. He is in a constant state of panic about when his next tab will be, he has bad skin and is very stormy, he is usually late because he is just finishing his 6th tab of a 2 minute smoking break. He will start a fight a the end of course piss up and get trooped.

    The duty legend. He is awesome and acheives every task. Everyone likes him, the chicks all want to fcuk him but he is staying faithful to his long term girlfriend who is a model. He has a drunken cheeky fumble with the divs chick which he regrets for the rest of the course, the chicks love him more for this. Inevitably he gets the prize for best recruit.

    The retard. He has absolutely no idea where he is or what is going on, he is friends with the smoker and as a result has just started tabbing for the first time. He drifts through the course in a permanent state of confusion and asks unbelievably daft questions. To everyone's amazement he scrapes through the course, just.

    What other stereotypes are there and which one are you?
  2. The smart arse who has been selected for the role of class leader. Hasn't got a clue how to lead his own dog on a piece of string, let alone an eclectic mix of individuals that he would have crossed the road to avoid prior to joining up. He adopts a leadership style all of his own and quickly becomes a little Hitler.
  3. The 'old sea dogs' son. Descending from the stock of usually a CPO spec, this cretin thinks everyone owes him a favour. A few of the instructors know his old man, who is in fact a good egg. This ball bag therefore thinks he is old ship mates with all the SR's on the camp and even looks down on other JR's also. The thing is, all the other instructors know is that his old man fcuking hates the little gob sh1te, and only bigged up the RN cause otherwise he would have to pay for little lord fauntleroy's art degree. Callsign - Piss bag.
  4. This has been done before, I remember reading it on this site ages ago.
  5. Thanks for that Ja5on :roll:
  6. See I am the know it all one :twisted:
  7. Really? Well I'm fcuking doing it again so there.
  8. [Michael Winner] Calm down dear, it's only a forum :lol:
  9. Not be confused with the eyelash flutterer, who pretends to be gash at everything to get her own way. Most noticeabley on Seamanship week when she fumbles knots badly due to her manicured nails whilst looking at you coyly and saying "Oh I'm normally so very good with my hands staff, can you help me?" Always good for a nosh in the laundrette though.

    You also forgot:

    The "hold-over"

    The guy who's waiting for his Part 3 training to start and has been doing gash jobs for the Instructors. He has done a whole 12 weeks in the RN but believes himself a font of all knowledge and a strict disciplinarian.

    Fond of shouting and massive overuse of phrases such as "Happy with that" "Shipwreck" "Screw the nut" and "You chose to be here and know where the exit is". Threatens to troop you at least twice a day even though he doesn't have the power to go on leave without the say so of the fat chef who is killick of his block, let alone march you to the reggies. He sits on his own in the Raleigh bar keeping his eye on the "sprog fcukers" Laughed at by the staff, routinely mocked by the more intelligent trainees. He is always beaten up on day one of joining his first ship, and is then found hanging from a metre of paracord at Collingwood mid-way through OM1's course. This happens when he realises that he's not quite the awesome prospect he thought he was.

    I believe I was a mixture between the tabber and the legend, apart form I didn't have a missus and only ploughed the fat lasses from newer classes in the church and wheelers shithouses.
  10. Possibly piss a few people off but anyway...

    The Cockney, seems to have some kind of attitude issue meaning they think they are very funny and make comments in some form of shite slang that no other person understands or gives a shit about understanding. They believe they need to put little effort in and should be treated better than others as they are 'safe, innit'. They act as if they would be able to give anyone a kicking but if anything goes past the talking they are nowhere to be seen. Also, they probably smoke, think they are good looking and thick as pig shit whilst trying act clever.

    Edited to add, this is not a Raleigh stereotype as i have not been yet but just one i imagine to be there from other experiences.
  11. The Local 'Plimuff Buy.' He has grown up around the mob his whole life, he lives in Swilly and spent his youth breaking into the dockyard for fun. He thinks he is a bit of a geezer and gets trooped for having some contraband in his locker. On the first shore leave he takes everyone to his local where a huge fight ensues with the locals. He ends up getting a 15 year old Torpoint girl pregnant and PVR's.
  12. As well as the cockney, everyone had a scouser. All scousers claim to have had trials at professional football clubs but "got injured". Amazing really considering when you do have a game of football he is about as accomplished at the sport as Joey Deacon. Desperately want's to join the Liverpool so he can be with his "lah's" Calls everybod "Lah" and eats more nutty than Susan Boyle. He will nick your mobile and has honking personal admin. Think's he's cheeky but is simply an ill-educated cnut. Will seek out other scousers and form a tight knit mong society.
  13. Fcuk me, this did happen when I joined. Except I think the girl was actually about 9.
  14. What about the instructors?

    The 'good' Chief. He is an Artificer in his early 30's and drives a second hand Porsche Boxster. He is easy going, he rarely administers bollockings and gives helpful advice. The Wrens fancy him and the eyelash flutterer does everything in her power to trap him. Secretly he is gay but no one finds out until they encounter him 4 years later as their section chief and realise he is a complete cock.

    The 'bad' PO. A stoker in his late 40's, he is constantly stormy and flies off the handle at the slightest infraction or mistake. He is p1ssed off because phase 1 training is not like it used to be at Ganges. He constantly threatens you with flogging and keel hauling along other long defunct punishments that he can't actually dish out. In reality Ganges closed 10 years before he joined up and he goes home to his married patch every night and beats his wife after drinking two litres of cheap scotch. You encounter him later in the fleet and realise that he is actually a pretty good guy after all.
  15. Why is Dii doing this to me?
  16. What the fcuk is going on?!
  17. Go and get the kettle on then you little scrote. You are going to be the stereotypical RumRation troll, found telling Diamond Lil's dits to recruits as if they were his own. Found hanging off the end of a visiting submariner's penis on day three for telling his story
  18. The idiot with an A level in fuckallology and should have been an officer, who is going to get his papers raised at the earliest oppertunity. Will suck up to evey man and his dog, and wears cords, a collared shirt and his jumper draped over his shoulders to go shore side.
  19. Edited for being a double posting mong.
  20. Not to be confused with:

    The clever Northerner. He has a fantastic education, he went to uni and is highly intelectual, he would make a fantastic officer and lets people know that his ambition is to become a pilot one day. Unfortunately for him he is a bad speaking Northern fcuk. He dresses in a Primark tracksuit and his idea of fine cuisine is a microwave kebab. He will never fit in to the Wardroom because he is from a council estate in Hull.

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