Purple Exercise

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Nutty, Apr 14, 2009.

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  1. Purple Survival Exercise

    The SBS, the a RAF Regiment and the Royal Naval Police are sent on a survival weekend together to see who comes out top. After some basic exercises, the trainer tells them their next objective is to go down into the woods and come back with a rabbit for tea.

    First up are the SBS. They don their infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by a single muffled shot. They emerge with a rabbit, shot cleanly through the forehead. "Excellent" says the trainer.

    Next up are the RAF Regiment. They finish their cans of lager, cover themselves in camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of machine gun fire, mortar bombs, hand grenades and bloodcurdling war cries. Eventually, they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit. "A bit messy, but you got a result. Well done" says the trainer.

    Lastly, in go the Reggies, walking slowly, hands behind backs, whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie: "sierra oscar lemur one, suspect headed straight for you" etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge, escorting a squirrel in hand cuffs. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" asks the incredulous trainer. "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit, like asked you 5 hours ago!" So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, day turns to night.

    The next morning the trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by the Reggies, holding the still handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises. "Are you taking the piss?" asks the seriously irate trainer. The Jossman shoots a mean glance at the squirrel, who squeaks:

    "Alright, alright, I'm a fucking rabbit

    Oh I luvs yer really SPB

  2. Is this allegory for your time in CID? :lol:
  3. Nutty was the role model for DI Fred Pyle in G.F Newman's 'Law and Order' (BBC 1978). 8O

  4. Never met a squirrel that was innocent/

    Nutty :twisted:
  5. Especially the grey ones.
  6. Credit given where credit due. At least the Reggies brought the prisoner in for questioning and properly secured. Unlike those Rock Ape brutes, who wiped out half the forest. :D

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