Punography

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by janner, Nov 7, 2013.

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  1. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Disclaimer......I am not the author of the following I have merely copied and pasted them. If you have read them before, remember others might not have.



    I tried to catch some fog.
    ... I mist.

    When chemists die,
    ... they barium.

    Jokes about German sausage are
    ...the wurst.

    A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper
    spray
    ... is now a seasoned veteran.

    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.
    But, he says....
    he can stop any time.

    How does Moses make his tea?
    ... Hebrews it.

    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.
    .... Then it dawned on me.

    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian
    club,
    ...but I'd never met herbivore.

    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
    ... I can't put it down.

    I did a theatrical performance about puns.
    ... It was a play on words.

    They told me I had type A blood,
    ...but it was a Type- O.

    PMS jokes aren't funny,
    ...period.

    Why were the Indians here first?
    ...They had reservations.

    Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.
    ...I hope there's no pop quiz.

    Energizer bunny arrested.
    ...Charged with battery.

    I didn't like my beard at first.
    ...Then it grew on me.

    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job
    ...because she couldn't control her pupils?

    When you get a bladder infection,
    ...urine trouble.

    What does a clock do when it's hungry?
    ... It goes back four seconds.

    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
    ...Then it hit me!

    Broken pencils are
    ...pointless.

    What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
    ...A thesaurus.

    England has no kidney bank, but it does have
    ... a Liverpool .

    I used to be a banker,
    ...but then I lost interest.

    I dropped out of communism class
    ... because of lousy Marx.

    All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen.
    ....Unfortunately the Police have nothing to go on.

    I got a job at a bakery because
    ...I kneaded dough.

    Haunted French pancakes give me
    ...the crepes.

    Velcro -
    ....what a rip off!

    Cartoonist found dead in home.
    ...Details are sketchy.

    Venison for dinner?
    ...Oh deer!
     
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