Punched out a cop last night

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Nastyman, Jul 1, 2007.

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  1. :rambo: My dad had some business partners coming round so he told me to get the fuk out for the night, gave me a couple hundred to get some jack n sh1t with the crew.

    Phoned em up, told them to meet down by the lake, been a warm ass day so we were gonna chill the hell out with a couple girls from the local highschool. Cruise down to the school to pick em up, right away got a crowd of girls around my car, all wanna get on my strong assed self.I tell the ugly ones to get the hell off my car n this one girl starts yappin about making her friend cry so i think fuk this" and drive over her feet. That shut her the hell up.

    Finally these slow ass girls turn up n we set off for the lake. I ask em if they ever been in a Porsche before and they are like "hell no, our boyfriends drive cheap ass mustangs" and im grinning n sh1t at the thought of those pussies wondering where the fuk their girlfriends have got to for the night.

    Turned up at the lake, break out the jack, downed a couple of bottles to get a goodbuzz going. I take my top off to get some sun on my swoled chest n abs and the girls come running over and ar e like "ohhh"""wow, i bet you could kick anyones ass" and im like "hell yeah, i mangled your pussy assed football team just last year, ruined a couple guys careers that night" and theyre like "oh yeah, we heard about that, one guy killed himself when he couldnt play football no more" right about then i spit my beer out, laughing n sh1t. Im like " thats some funny assed sh1t."

    These girls are about ready to jump my ass when i hear some car pulling up, turn around and see a cop car, some skinny b1tch with a badge gets out and walks over. Straihght away hes inmy face, thinks he can talk sh1t cause hes got a gun, "wtf you doing with these minors" so i tell him to mind his fuking business or hes gonna get mangled. Crew comes running over, right about now hes facing a good 2000lbs of muscle, so he starts to turn pussy telling me hes gonna call backup so im thinking fuk this" and took a swing at his face. Heard his face bone crakc, went down like a b1tch. Crews stomping on his radio, shut that sh1t up. I tell the girls to get me another beer while i handle business.

    Robbed thaqt cop of his gun n clothes, cuffed his naked ass to a pole. Checked out his car, aint nothing to steal so we rolled it into the lake. Police aint never gonna find it, probably wash up in China or some sh1t.

    Took the girls back to my place, gave em a treat gettin with my strong assed self. Damn christm,as came early for these girls. That pig musta woke up this morning thinking he still dreaming..
    100% natural jacked, no proteins, you only got 1 liver
  2. Nice one Nastyman, you had the sense to roll the car into the lake, they`ll never find it there will they? My God you`re as hard as nails, would`nt want you messing up my town, wot wiv yer crew n` all.
  3. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Strange, whilst mummy was gargling my man fat she didnt mention it........very odd.
  4. Still living at home with Mummy and Daddy you sad sad little man.
  5. Nasty - I'll give you 9 out of 10 for the sheer bollocks factor in this Walter Mitty style tale of daring do. You are without doubt a complete tool. Well done!!

    Now can someone switch this idiot off before he inflicts anymore of this on us.

  6. One of the disadvantages of the internet. Even eleven year old retards with no parental supervision, a vivid imagination, and an unhealthy interest in American action comics can gain access.

  7. Shouldn't Nastyboy be in school or doing his homework? Wonder if his balls have dropped yet? Still cries out for mummy in his sleep, no doubt!
  8. :rambo:

    Son getting props from the boss man on how I handle sh1t in this town I don't ever forget. You ever need sh1t sorting let me know. Me and the crew have got your back.
  9. Ah! Sorry Nastyman. Got it now. You're one of these new council employees who's task in life is to investigate people's wheely bins!
    You're on the wrong thread mate. We've already done the recycling bit to death.

  10. Allow me to translate, im fluent in bollocks.

    "my dads boyfriend was coming round last night, he didnt need me to film them this time so he told me to bugger off. he gave me fifty pence for a bag of liquorice allsorts and told me to go and play with my friends.

    knocked on my friends door and asked if they wanted to come and play at the pond. they stole my sweets and told me to fuck off. it was a nice day so i decided to go for a ride on my scooter to perve on the girls at the local primary school. when i got there they all said my scooter sounded like a wasp in a tin can, and only 1 ugly one came near me, but then i accidentally rode over her foot and she ran away crying.

    i looked sad as i realised i was going to spend the night alone again.

    i went to the pond by myself and sat eating my liquorice, it was still warm so i took off my fred perry top to get some sun on my pasty white man-tits. a man in pink marigolds and a long donkey jacket came running over and said "wow, i bet if they paid you, you'd lick anyones arse" i replied "ohhh yes, i did the whole football team last year, but they havnt paid me for it yet." he told me hed heard about that and was very impressed.

    i was just starting to wonder why he had a tub of vaseline in his pocket when i heard an engine and turned around to see a police motorbike. the policeman climbing off it had a big handle bar moustache and was wearing is aviator sunglasses and round white helmet. he asked me why i had run over that poor girls foot and as punishment he said him and the man in the marigolds were going to have to punish me. he said id been so naughty that he was going to call for backup. he had a very big truncheon.
    he stole my clothes and my sweets and handcuffed me to the safety railings around the pond.

    he threw my scooter into the pond.

    as he was about to ride away with the marigolds man on the back of his motorbike, i noticed his name badge said 'officer christmas'.
    he thanked me for making home come early."

    i hope this translation helps those of you who are not as au fait at speaking complete spunk.

  11. .

    Bad luck getting his sweets stolen.

    Good luck he had some spares.

    Bad luck getting his sweets stolen again.

    An observation: I'm not a violent person but why does the sound of gangsta rap speak make me want extinguish people's lights?
  12. Nastyman,

    Do you have anything worthwhile to actually contribute to this forum or is your intention to bore us with your piles of illiterate rantings which seem to be some sort of misguided attempt at impressing us all with how big and tough you are?

    In short, do us all a favour and piss off.

    Cheers aye
  13. Faeces seems to be a big part of your life?
  14. Nastyman, never mind his back - why dont you bend your muscular ass over and let me murder your hoop with my hardcore pink weaponry.
  15. Where do we find them?

    Nastyman? F*cking 'Nastyman', you pr!ck, more like Naughtyboy.

    Now f*ck and let the grown-ups have fun.
  16. Nastyman
    Hasn't anyone informed you that it takes more to change a Honda into a Porsche than sticking on a couple of stolen Porsche decals.
  17. LMAO!!!
  18. I don't get this???
    Nasty are you a member of Blazin squad? also why are teenagers in london driving left hand drive cars? Surely the running costs must be massive, what with congestion charges and all that?

    Or............... are you just being silly?
  19. agrippa, do keep up he`s a Canadian.
  20. Nastyman, are you from Newfoundland? If so that would answer all my questions.

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