Prostitutes and Policemen

Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by BillyNoMates, Jul 7, 2015.

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  1. A family of prostitutes in Aberdeen were standing on a street corner
    in the middle of winter, freezing their tits off. Business was slow and
    they were chatting about this and that.
    The daughter says "Times like this, I think I'll charge seventy five quid
    ferra blow job!"
    Her mother replies "Auch hen! I kidna get nae mare than twenty poonds
    when I first started....."
    Grandmother looks her daughter and grand daughter in the eyes and
    says, "Yae nae nuthin! Workin' in the feckin' winter when I were a wee
    lass....I was jus' glad tae have a warm drink!"


    This bloke was driving home with his girlfriend at two in the morning,
    having treated her to a meal and a late night movie, when all of a sudden
    he saw flashing blue lights in his rear view mirror.....then the police
    sirens went ballistic so he slowed down and pulled over into a convenient
    lay by.
    The police car stopped as well, and an enormous bald headed traffic cop
    strolled over to the drivers side, indicating that he should wind his window
    "Good morning officer!", he said nervously.
    "Hello....listen - I've followed you all the way from the town centre and
    I must ask just exactly how much have you had to drink tonight?"
    Somewhat bemused he replied, "Why absolutely none at all. Was my
    driving a little erratic or something?"
    The cop says, "Not at all sir. It's just that being almost two thirty in the
    morning, I see someone driving a car with a twenty stone greasy haired
    right ugly munter in the front passenger seat, I presumed that you were
    absolutely shit faced"
    • Funny Funny x 1
  2. A woman goes to a therapist and says " I had to come and see you, I think I'm turning kinky." Therapist says " Go benind the cutain, strip off and lie on the couch." She does this and nothing happens, all she hears is heavy breathing and grunting. "Okay says the therapist you can get dressed now." Woman replies, "But you haven't done anything." "Yes I have." he says, "I'm kinky as well, I've just shit in your handbag!"
    • Funny Funny x 1

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