Prostitutes and Policemen

#1
A family of prostitutes in Aberdeen were standing on a street corner
in the middle of winter, freezing their tits off. Business was slow and
they were chatting about this and that.
The daughter says "Times like this, I think I'll charge seventy five quid
ferra blow job!"
Her mother replies "Auch hen! I kidna get nae mare than twenty poonds
when I first started....."
Grandmother looks her daughter and grand daughter in the eyes and
says, "Yae nae nuthin! Workin' in the feckin' winter when I were a wee
lass....I was jus' glad tae have a warm drink!"

***************

This bloke was driving home with his girlfriend at two in the morning,
having treated her to a meal and a late night movie, when all of a sudden
he saw flashing blue lights in his rear view mirror.....then the police
sirens went ballistic so he slowed down and pulled over into a convenient
lay by.
The police car stopped as well, and an enormous bald headed traffic cop
strolled over to the drivers side, indicating that he should wind his window
down.
"Good morning officer!", he said nervously.
"Hello....listen - I've followed you all the way from the town centre and
I must ask just exactly how much have you had to drink tonight?"
Somewhat bemused he replied, "Why absolutely none at all. Was my
driving a little erratic or something?"
The cop says, "Not at all sir. It's just that being almost two thirty in the
morning, I see someone driving a car with a twenty stone greasy haired
right ugly munter in the front passenger seat, I presumed that you were
absolutely shit faced"
 
#2
A woman goes to a therapist and says " I had to come and see you, I think I'm turning kinky." Therapist says " Go benind the cutain, strip off and lie on the couch." She does this and nothing happens, all she hears is heavy breathing and grunting. "Okay says the therapist you can get dressed now." Woman replies, "But you haven't done anything." "Yes I have." he says, "I'm kinky as well, I've just shit in your handbag!"
 
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