PPRuNe Forum Cut and Paste

Typed in Rum Ration on www.ask.com - and was presented with this post as one of the search results.

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Royal Navy New Ships (Dated 25th March 2004)

Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Bristol,UK
Posts: 203
Details have been released regarding Britain's next generation of fighting ships. The Royal Navy is proud of the cutting edge capability of the Fleet of Type 45 destroyers. Costing £750 million, they have been designed to meet the needs of the 2 lst century.
In addition to state of the art technology , weaponry, and guidance systems, the ships will comply with the very latest employment, equality and human rights legislation.
They will be able to remain at sea for several months, and positively bristle with facilities. For instance, the new user friendly crow's nest comes equipped with wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs, to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress councillors and lawyers will be on duty 24 hours a day, and each ship will have its own onboard industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest home office directives on race, gender, sexuality, and disability. Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37 hours per week in line with Brussels Health and Safety rules, even in wartime.
All bunks and hammocks will be double occupancy, and the destroyers will all come equipped with a maternity ward and creche, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in the mess. The Royal Navy is anxious to shed its traditional reputation for "Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash". Out goes the Rum ration, which is to be replaced by Perrier water., although sodomy remains and has been extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available, but only by request.
Condoms can be obtained from the Bosun in a variety of flavours, except Capstan Full Strength.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is elitist. It is to be replaced by the more informal "Hello Sailor"
All notices on boards will be printed in 37 different languages, and braile.
Crew members will no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches, even the
women. The MOD is working on a new "Non specific" flag based on the controversial British Airways "Ethnic" tailfin design, because the White Ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities.
Sea Trials are expected to take place soon. when the first of the new destroyers, HMS Cautious, sets out on her maiden mission, escorting boat loads of illegal immigrants across the channel to ports on the South Coast.
T'he ship is due to be launched soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook, from the Finsbury park Mosque, who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. The ship will slide gently into the water, to the tune of "In the Navy" by the Village People, played by the band of the Royal Marines.
A Navy spokesperson said, "While the ship refllected thc very latest of modern thinking, they were also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation. He said, "Britain never, never waives the rules!".

Cut and Paste, and then cut and paste, then cut and paste!
Good example this time, but what do we do? Don't get me wrong, I'm completely for people power. Let's not waste any time? Many people have an IOU? Stand up! We complain of the next government (me included). Lets make a diifference! I have petitioned my MP on a couple of issues. Please do the same (not even Navy related), it keeps them on their toes (hopefully).
The author of that is rather good at computer stuff, has quite a good sense of humour and isn't averse to controversy. I very much doubt he was having a go at the Andrew; in fact, probably the opposite.

It's amazing what "search engines" turn up. The MoD one is a prime example and usually provides nothing useful. You'd think putting in a search for a topic would give you the latest match and to a source document, wouldn't you? wrong! as it will give you a string of vintage press released froth. The addresses of references are regularly "broken" and "streamlined" to uselessness. Thank the heavens for Google. The number of times I've needed it to find a Fleet or NATO publication!

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