Twas on a dark and windswept night, when the rain poured down his back, Poor old stokes got threaders and wished he hadn't flogged his mack. In a rain swept dump like Pompey,most matelots held their Burbs dear, Alas poor stokes had flogged his to raise money for his beer. And payday since had come and gone, and all his funds were spent, On fags and beer, big eats as well, and a pash he'd met, from Kent. Now as stokes stood by the dockyard gate, downhearted and wet through, A sudden plan came to his mind, he knew what he must do. He shot down past the Mucky duck, and spied his target there, Twas Gilda entering the Leopard, with flowers in its hair. That looks so fuckin easy, thought old stokes with a grin, So he strips his Keck's and white front off, and he jumps straight fuckin in. He knew as Gilda pranced and minced, the crowd would all throw money, But fuck all came his way, and stokes thought thats friggin funny. So pissed as a rat he strut his stuff, with never a fuckin care, Come on he shouts lets have you throw, someone did, a fuckin chair. It caught poor stokes above the eye, which made his poor head spin, He took a lunge at the nearest body, as the shore Patrol walked in. They trussed him up like a turkey, and told him he was silly, And naked as a new born babe they threw him in the Tilly. A night bollock naked in recess, soon brought him to his senses, And thus to the table he did come, as they read out his offenses. "I'd like to reserve my defense please sir", stokes muttered at the table, He'd heard this plea was the thing to do, he hoped it wasn't a fable. The officer of the day just smiled, and then "accepted" did he say, The motioning to the shore patrol, said "take this thing away". That didn't go to badly thought stokes as he marched out, But I'm in the shite when I'm back on board, of that there's little doubt. Two days later at the table, resplendent in his blues, Stokes deftly lifted his gold wire cap,worn with his well shone shoes. "Off caps" shouted joss with a snappy voice, and poor stokes lifted his lid, He stood trembling in anticipation, as they read out what he did. The Jimmy stood with his jaw dropped, stifling a smirk, As the prosecuting officer started his dirty work. "Stoker Smith was found in the leopard, dancing naked with a rose in his hair, He was bleeding and getting aggressive, someone had belted him hard with a chair". "What the fuck said the first Lt, What the fuck was you trying to do? Don't you know if you strip in the leopard, other matelots will throw things at you?" "I see now that it was quite stupid", said stokes with a big cheesy grin, After all he wasn't that stupid, he had seen what the crowd did to him. "I've learned my lesson I have sir" he said as a plan hit his head, Ner again will I dance in the Leopard, I'll go to the FES bar instead.