We all know how literally impossible it is to not offend SOMEONE these days, everyone is just SO touchy... So this guide will help you on how to speak about the opposite sex in a POLITICALLY CORRECT way... HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT She is not a BABE or a CHICK; she is a BREASTED PERSON. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER; she is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE. She is not EASY; she is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. She is not DUMB; she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She has not BEEN AROUND; she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. She is not an AIR HEAD; she is REALITY IMPAIRED. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY; she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. She is not HORNY; she is SEXUALLY FOCUSED. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS; she is MEDICALLY ENHANCED. She does not NAG YOU; she becomes ORALLY REPETITIVE. She is not a SLUT; she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED. She is not a TWO BIT WHORE; she is a LOW COST PROVIDER. HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT He does not have a BEER GUT; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. He is not a BAD DANCER; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME; he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. He is not BALDING; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER; he prefers GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS; he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG; he has SWINE EMPATHY. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED. He is not QUIET; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST. He is not STUPID; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT. He is not SHORT; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT. He does not CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT CARS; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION. He is not UNSOPHISTICATED; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED. He does not EAT LIKE A PIG; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA. He does not HOG THE DUVET; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE. He doesn't have a DIRTY MIND; he has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS!!