Politically Correct..........

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by brazenhussy, Aug 2, 2007.

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  1. We all know how literally impossible it is to not offend SOMEONE these days, everyone is just SO touchy... So this guide will help you on how to speak about the opposite sex in a POLITICALLY CORRECT way...

    HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

    She is not a BABE or a CHICK; she is a BREASTED PERSON.

    She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER; she is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

    She is not EASY; she is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

    She is not DUMB; she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

    She has not BEEN AROUND; she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

    She is not an AIR HEAD; she is REALITY IMPAIRED.

    She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY; she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

    She is not HORNY; she is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

    She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS; she is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

    She does not NAG YOU; she becomes ORALLY REPETITIVE.

    She is not a SLUT; she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

    She is not a TWO BIT WHORE; she is a LOW COST PROVIDER.


    HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

    He does not have a BEER GUT; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

    He is not a BAD DANCER; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

    He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME; he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
    DESTINATIONS.

    He is not BALDING; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

    He is not a CRADLE ROBBER; he prefers GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
    RELATIONSHIPS.

    He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

    He does not act like a TOTAL ASS; he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL
    INVERSION.

    He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG; he has SWINE EMPATHY.

    He is not afraid of COMMITMENT; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

    He is not QUIET; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.

    He is not STUPID; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.

    He is not SHORT; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.

    He does not CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT CARS; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.

    He is not UNSOPHISTICATED; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.

    He does not EAT LIKE A PIG; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.

    He does not HOG THE DUVET; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.

    He doesn't have a DIRTY MIND; he has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS!![​IMG]
     
  2. Brill!!
     
  3. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY; she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

    I prefer She gets "Tired and emotional" :w00t:
     
  4. BH, slight correction to point 3 about men. Men don't get lost, one is merely uncertain of ones position! Women have orientation problems - real speak women get lost. However having said that my sat nav has a female voice, but then I'm used to getting directions/orders from females. :thumright:
     
  5. Very enlightening information BH. The below is also a useful guide for understanding men.

    He says: "I can't find it."
    He means: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

    He says: "That's women's work."
    He means: It's difficult, dirty and thankless.

    He says: "Will you marry me?"
    He means: My roommates have moved out, the laundry is piling up, and I have no idea about grocery shopping.

    He says: "It's a guy thing."
    He means: There's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

    He says: "Can I help with dinner?"
    He means: Why isn't it already on the table?

    He says: "It would take too long to explain."
    He means: I have no idea how it works.

    He says: "I'm getting more exercise lately."
    He means: The batteries in the remote are dead.

    He says: "We're going to be late."
    He means: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.

    He says: "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
    He means: I can't hear the commentary because of the vacuum cleaner.

    He says: "That's interesting dear."
    He means: Are you still talking?

    He says: "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
    He means: I forgot our anniversary again.

    He says: "You expect too much from me."
    He means: You expect me to stay awake?

    He says: "It's really a good movie."
    He means: It's got guns, knives, fast cars and naked women.

    He says: "You know how bad my memory is."
    He means: I remember the address of the first girl I kissed and the registration number of every vehicle I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

    He says: "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
    He means: The salesgirl selling them was a real babe.

    He says: "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
    He means: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt.

    He says: "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing."
    He means: Oops! What did you catch me at?

    He says: "She's one of those rabid feminists."
    He means: She refused to make my coffee.

    He says: "I heard you."
    He means: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.

    He says: "You know I could never love anyone else."
    He means: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be worse.

    He says: "You really look terrific in that outfit."
    He means: Please don't try on any more outfits, I'm starving.

    He says: "I missed you."
    He means: I can't find my socks, the kids are hungry, and we've run out of groceries.

    He says: "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
    He means: No one will ever see us alive again.

    He says: "This relationship is getting too serious."
    He means: I like you almost as much as I like my car or bike.

    He says: "I don't need to read the instructions."
    He means: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.
     

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