Political correctness at the zoo...

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by JamesH, Sep 21, 2008.

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  1. I went to the zoo yesterday - I saw a sign that said "Special Needs Goose."

    I collared the keeper - "WTF??!"

    He said - "Yes, we used to call it the Mongoose...."

  2. Very naughty,but oh so funny! :thumright:
  3. Clearly, zoo humour has its Ups and Downes!
  4. what do lions get for lunch

    about 20 minutes - same as the giraffes
  5. I went to the zoo the other day and all they had was one bloody dog.

    It was a Schitzu.
  6. In the nocturnal mammals house, underneath the sign for "SLOW LORIS" some wit had written "FOR 2 MILES"
  7. 2 cows standing in a field.
    One says to the other....
    'Are you worried about this mad cow disease?'
    The other says 'Why would I worry? I'm a tractor!'
  8. i know its not an animal related joke but this is my favourite at the moment

    Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her 'what's your mum like?'

    Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'
  9. Bath Zoo is so short of money, they can't afford to buy replacement animals. After the death of Ollie the Orang-utan, Olivia, his former mate began to pine and suffered acute sexual frustration. They couldn't afford a new mate and Bristol Zoo refused to provide one on loan.

    The Director had the bright idea of advertising for someone to dress up and play the part of the Orang-utan, explaining the full duties of the job. There was only one applicant; a local "character" called Dan who was famous for wanting to shag almost anything with tits and a pulse. They found an ape costume in a theatrical outfitters and after a bit of practice, he looked the part.

    Very soon it was time to introduce him to Olivia, who was decidedly randy by now. Dan had just one condition; that they put a bag over Olivia's head. His condition was granted and he entered the Orang-utan enclosure.

    Olivia was thrilled! She immediately grabbed him and dragged him in to the sleeping shelter. There was lots of banging sounds, shrieks and heavy breathing and snorting. This went on for about half an hour when, suddenly, Dan screamed with an urgent tone to his voice; "quick! somebody, anybody, get in here. Help"! Straight away, the Head Keeper rushed in to see what was the matter.

    "Quick, quick", shouted Dan. "get her bag off, I want to kiss her!"
  10. What's got 2 legs and bleeds?

    1/2 a dog.
  11. Zoos..... where one species of animal locks up all the others, to gawp at them.

    Zoos = prisons for well behaved animals of other species

    Prisons = prisons for naughty animals of our own species
  12. While on a camping trip to Wales, I heard my friend's teenage brother complaining to their mum about my friend's wife. She had been in a bad mood due to the time of the month.

    Teenager - 'I don't trust anything that bleeds for two days and doesn't die'

    Mum - 'Wack!!!'


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