Political Bollocks

SONAR-BENDER

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SONAR-BENDER

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HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2030.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the UK's third language.
Children from two-parent, married, heterosexual families bullied in schools for being 'different'. Tolerance urged.
Manchester schoolgirl expelled for not wearing a burqa.
Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct, and the scientific research fleet are unemployed.
UK Government tells the Japanese that grey squirrels taste like whale meat.
Britain now has ten universities of Political Correctness.
Professor Goldman of LSPC says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think.
Britain's deficit £10 trillion and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time.
Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success.
Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Iran still isolated. Physicists estimate at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries. No one responds.
Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for second term as US President in 2032.
Post Office raises price of stamps to £18 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
After a ten-year, £75.8 billion study commissioned by the Labour Party, scientists prove diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of a British male drops to 18 stone.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil and human rights.
Victims to be held partly responsible for crime.
Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet seven inches.
New law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2035 as lethal weapons.
Inland Revenue sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75 per cent.
Bradford win FA Cup Final, beating Hindu Hornets 4-1.
 

Ballistic

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Nation wearily prepares for further lockdown after government categorically rules it out

Kwasi-Kwarteng-small.jpg

The nation’s weary residents are once again preparing for lockdown this winter, after government minister Kwasi Kwarteng categorically ruled it out.

Government junior health minister Derek Walden-Smythe told us, “When we say there are no plans for another lockdown, we want you to take our word for it, not go looking at all the other things we gave our word on, like manifesto pledges on National Insurance or the £350m a week for the NHS. Would it really be so hard to believe we’re telling the truth this time?

“Oh, it would? Right.”

Meanwhile, some bookmakers have begun paying out on any bets predicting a winter lockdown, insisting “It’s now as close to a sure thing as it’s possible to get.”

https://newsthump.com/2021/10/20/na...-after-government-categorically-rules-it-out/
 

taffscrivs

War Hero
I reckon a winter lockdown is a cert. Gov cocked up by relaxing the mask wearing rules in shops and public places. When you see the majority of the population openly ignoring requests by shop owners to wear masks and use their provided hand gel you can see it coming a feckin mile off. When we get another spike all the dumbasses will blame Boris and his government rather than admit it was their own unhealthy and uncaring attitudes that caused it.
 

Ballistic

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Priti Patel’s plan to stop migrant boats by surrounding UK with floating barrier of shit nears completion​

Priti Patel migrant boats

Home Secretary and compassion black hole Priti Patel is reportedly very pleased to see that her aim of surrounding Britain with a protective ring of human shit is going to plan.

With the government voting overwhelmingly in favour of allowing liquid human shit to pour into our rivers and into the sea, Ms Patel’s dream of creating a barrier of excrement between England’s Brexit sunlit uplands and those horrible foreigners who might harbour dreams of reaching them draws ever closer to becoming a reality.

https://newsthump.com/2021/10/25/pr...th-floating-barrier-of-shit-nears-completion/
 
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