Police joke number one.

Shakey

War Hero
A driver is going along a dual carriageway, doing 79mph when he passes a policeman holding a speed gun. Sure enough the cop goes after him, and, being a law-abiding citizen, the driver pulls in when requested.

The copper explains the situation and that the man will receive a fine and points etc. etc. and asks a few details.

"Name?"

"Dave Bloggins"replies the driver,

"Occupation"
"Rectal Stretcher," answers the driver, "I am on my way home from work now, actually."

The police officer is confused, "What did you say you do for a living, again?" he asked

"A Rectal Stretcher," repeated the driver "I stretch rectums"

The police officer is intrigued "What does that involve then?" he asked.

"Well," said the man"You know what a rectum is?"

"Yes."

"I stretch them. You start with a finger, then another, then your hand, your arm and after a while you can stand up in it - about six feet tall is my average."

The disbelieving policeman asked the obvious question "What the **** do you do with a six foot ********?"

"Give it a speedgun and stand it behind a bridge" replied the man.
 
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