Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by janner, Jul 12, 2013.

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  1. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

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    1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
    Marrying you has screwed up my life.

    2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
    That's why I always wake up screaming.

    3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
    This describes everything you are not.

    4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
    But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

    5. I thought that I could love no other ...
    that is, until I met your brother.

    6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
    But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.

    7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
    But don't take that paper bag off your face.

    8.I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
    Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

    9. My love, you take my breath away.
    What have you stepped in to smell this way?

    10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
    Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

    11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
    Two parts vodka, one part lime.

    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 13, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Poetry's ace. In Victorian times knowing poetry stuff was well hard and got all the birds and piano legs - the lot.

    I'm a hundred and thirty-six next birthday.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. You have a nice face,
    But you are a cannnt
    • Like Like x 1
  4. I love you so fuckin' much
    I can't shit.
    • Like Like x 1
  5. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I was drinking in Jo's when a girl caught my eye
    She had a ring through her nose and a tattoo on her thigh.
    I asked for her name and she said, "I’m called Gwen"
    And she smelt like a horse and she danced like a Wren.

    I asked if she liked country, western or rock,
    And she screamed "I like matelots and plenty of cock".
    She said "come on Jack, are you game for a laugh?"
    So we jumped in a fast black and went back to her gaff.

    Now the house was in Fratton and on the front door
    Was a crest from each ship that had been there before.
    I said to her, "Gwen, that‘s impressive to see"
    As it looked like she’d been on more ships than me.

    It smelt like the mess after a good run ashore
    There were lanyards and cap tallies all over the floor.
    She walked to the window and sat on the ledge
    I put my hand down her knicks then felt a meat and two veg.

    I tried to get out but she got hold of my leg
    It was then that I knew Gwen was an ex-Killick Reg.
    I ran out of the door and into the street
    With my kecks round my ankles and nowt on me feet.

    Thank God I’d escaped and gave praise to the Lord
    Got big eats and a taxi and went back on board.
    So, if you’re in Pompey and bump into Gwen
    Just remember she’s really a Reggie called Ben!
    • Like Like x 2
  6. So Ben, where do you go to trap these days now that Jo's is no longer?
  7. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Hampshire Boulevard, of course! You should know - we met there last night...
  8. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    A poetry thread without Mr Kipling? Unbelievable!
  9. 'There was a young man from Nantucket'..... (Feel free to fill in the rest yourselves.A weekend in Skegness for the best entry)
  10. Fixed...8910
    • Like Like x 2
  11. Oh darling Grace
    I love your face
    I love you in your nightie
    When the moonlight flits
    Across your tits
    Oh Jesus Christ almighty
  12. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    I'll set 'em up, you knock 'em down! Can't believe it took as long as it did!
  13. There was a young man from Nantucket
    Offered his dick for his girlfriend to suck it
    But with his tiny knob and her great big gob
    T'was like throwing a worm in a bucket
    • Like Like x 1
  14. He writes excedingly good books (allegedly).
  15. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    He still owes me a tenner. What a ****.

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