Poetry in Motions.

#1
An Ode to Slop Drain and Sewage

T'was on a Sunday afternoon alongside at Trot Three,
A Part III knob was given the job of blowing poo and pee,
His Sea Dad said, "Just use yer 'ead and line it up correctly",
"I'm halfway through me thirteenth pint, will be along directly"

But on this Sunday afternoon, with far too much ale sunk
His Sea Dad lost the bubble, and crashed out on his bunk.
This left the trainee on his own, but he wasn't one to mank,
So he lined it up as best he could and put a blow upon the tank.

The LP air rushed through pipes - he gave the valve more wellie,
Just when he thought the job was done-his world turned Brown and Smelly.
He'd forgot a bathroom scupper - and as he looked at it -
A gurgling noise was followed - by a massive jet of shit.

It sprayed around the bathroom and covered all in sight,
It was hangin' from the deckheads like stalactites of shite.
It was in the sinks and down the walls it was sloppin round the deck
A ricochet had hit him and was slidin' down his neck.

The Part III trainee deeps was now at a loss for words
The JR's Heads and Bathroom now just wall to wall in turds.
The boat was fu**ing stinkin' - and I think its safe to bet,
Our Part III F***ing nob-head will not get his dolphins yet!

Your turn !
 
#2
Euggh! How awful! Are we skimmers and other normal folk supposed to be impressed? If you sludgemariners live like shit you must expect to be covered in it from time to time.
 
#3
Poo is such a smelly thing
That’s often brown and runny
The noises when you have a poo
Are often rather funny.

To have a poo in P & Q (peace & quiet)
There’s no feeling quite like it
You sphincter muscle loosens
So that you can dump your sh!t.

There are lumpy ones and ploppy ones
There are ones that leave no marks
There are small one, there are skiddy ones
There are some that would feed sharks.

To have a poo when using the loo
There is no other way
Woman or man, sit on the pan
Or your poo will go astray.

And so to end this dit with a little wit
That’s been written just for Rum Ration
Get in the Heads and have a Sh!t
Like it’s just gone out of fashion.

:roll:
 
#4
bigbaddog said:
An Ode to Slop Drain and Sewage

T'was on a Sunday afternoon alongside at Trot Three,
A Part III knob was given the job of blowing poo and pee,
His Sea Dad said, "Just use yer 'ead and line it up correctly",
"I'm halfway through me thirteenth pint, will be along directly"

But on this Sunday afternoon, with far too much ale sunk
His Sea Dad lost the bubble, and crashed out on his bunk.
This left the trainee on his own, but he wasn't one to mank,
So he lined it up as best he could and put a blow upon the tank.

The LP air rushed through pipes - he gave the valve more wellie,
Just when he thought the job was done-his world turned Brown and Smelly.
He'd forgot a bathroom scupper - and as he looked at it -
A gurgling noise was followed - by a massive jet of shit.

It sprayed around the bathroom and covered all in sight,
It was hangin' from the deckheads like stalactites of shite.
It was in the sinks and down the walls it was sloppin round the deck
A ricochet had hit him and was slidin' down his neck.

The Part III trainee deeps was now at a loss for words
The JR's Heads and Bathroom now just wall to wall in turds.
The boat was fu**ing stinkin' - and I think its safe to bet,
Our Part III F***ing nob-head will not get his dolphins yet!

Your turn !
What the hell has happened here..his Sea Dad gently growled
“That shit tank never liked meâ€..the Part 111 trainee howled
Alright then smartarrse, tell me now..what you intend to do?
I`d expect this from an OD chef..but really not from you.

Peering round the bulkhead door…the Part111 trainee gagged
He couldn’t think of what to do..it looked like he was shagged.
Then he thought ..there is a way.. as no one yet has seen
I`ll set fire to the bathroom .. that should get it clean

He took out his trusty zippo.. that he`d gotten off a yank
And with quite a lot of methane gas, still seeping from the tank
He clicked and threw his lighter..down on to the bathroom floor
with a woomf the lot went up….he quickly closed the door.

Pretty soon all hell broke loose and sprinklers came to play
Backed up with dockyard firemen..our lad had saved the day.
They pumped in so much water.it was like monsoon rain
And all the smelly sewage was washed off down the drain.

“Well done lad†said Sea Dad…let me sign your book
and If it was just down to me ..you`d have your bleedin hook
Now I`ve seen stokers pull some strokes..but that’s the best I`ve seen.
Getting dockyard firemen to come and get it clean.

The moral of the story is..what ever you may do
Be careful with the shit tank ..or it might turn on you.
but if you ever have the need..Just recall this dit
And get the dockyard mateys.. to get you out the shit.


………..
 
#5
wardmaster said:
Euggh! How awful! Are we skimmers and other normal folk supposed to be impressed?
It gets worse …when I was on the Token the vent from the sewage holding tank was in the corner of the stokers mess …but as submariners are gods chosen few, our shit didn’t stink, so we were never inconvenienced….er, well it might have a little bit, but anyway it was cancelled out by the smell of the diesel

….
 
#6
Can any of you i-m-a-g-i-n-e just what the Health and Safety Executive
would have done ... if they knew half the stuff that was done prior to
the endless pile of red tape bollix we have to wade through these days eh ?? My missus still don't believe it - when I have to unblock the bog
in our 'ouse! Marigolds!!! Who the f**k needs Marigolds woman!!
Get yer hand round the U-Bend - give it a good squeeze and another one of her (or my) torpedos gets sent off to South West Water for re-cycling...
This I will do without thinking - strange...the stuff a body gets used to isn't it?
 
#8
I was told you weren't a submariner until you had shit under your fingernails. I was on my hands and knees in the WT passageway at the time, chasing escaped jobbies through an ocean of piss.
 
#9
Bigbaddog and Uncle Albert
Can we set to music
Your tale of woe and Part III Joe
And his escapade with jobbies?
For clearly you both expel
Efficiently, your turds, like Hell,
Lovingly caressing them
When sniffing them with diesel.
The tune can be a common theme
'Tis easier to remember
When in the pubs of matelotland
The lads and lasses render
The sound and actions of the boats
The arse pushing and clanky pipes
Shit fountains, turd stalag-tights
and other Stoker mortal delights.
 
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