PM call with Prime Minister of Hungary: 27 May 2022

The Prime Minister spoke to Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán this evening.

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"Hi, Victor. I'm a vain, corrupt, lying, dissembling, profiteering cuuuuuuunt who is only in politics to line my own pockets and feed my enormous ego, just like you, but you've been at this lark for bit longer than me so I'm hoping you can give me a few pointers how to get rid of Dominic Cummings.

The bastard keeps stitching me up with something awful called.... errrrr... what is it called now.? It was on the tip of my tongue.... Oh yes, that's it.... the truth. He keeps trying to stitch me up with the truth and as you can understand, that's the last thing I'd ever want anybody to find out.

What do you recommend? Novochock? (don't be coy now, I know you're well up Vlads arse and can fix me up with some on the QT) or should we just let push him off the kerb in Whitehall and let Steve Bray lobby him to death?

Yes, yes, I know Dom used to work for me, but he had a falling out with some totty that I've only gone and got webbed up with and now I don't seem to be able to shake her off. Spends a bloody fortune on wallpaper too, but it's alright because I'm not paying. As if I would, eh?

I rather need your help right now old chap because I've got myself in a bit of bother over some parties that I went to have upset dead peoples relatives from that spot of sickness we had not long ago. I had it myself, you know, but fortunately only poor people die from it so that's alright then. Now they're getting all shirty because they couldn't say goodbye to their granny and think it's all my fault because I made up the rules. Hey, all I did was stand in front of a camera and say the first thing that came into my head. If they went and did what I said more fool them, eh?

Anyway, any tips you can give me to get rid of this bloke would be much appreciated. If criminals like us can't stick together, then who can?

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