Pirate jokes

Why are pirates called so?

Because they Arrgh


Why do Pirates go on holiday?

For some Arrgh 'n' Arrgh

 

How does a pirate ask for a date?
Arrrr you busy tonight?



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If a pirate were not a pirate, what career would he have?
A used CARRRR salesman?
No, a BARRRTENDER, so he could still get rum!!!



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What's a Pirates favorite letter?

 

A "Dear John"?

 

What do pirates eat for breakfast?

Toast.

 

I thought it was going to be Aaaaaaaaaaaard boiled eggs

 

U, so he can spell correctly?

 

What do you get if you cross a paedophile with a pirate?

Arrrrrrr Kelly.

 

The American actor Alan Ladd has ancestors that were pirates.
The most famous one was called Jim.

 

Not many people know that the expression used for taking a person with special education needs out for the day relates to a term often used by pirates.

Now you know where the phrase "Walking the plank" originated.

 

There's a new craze for having sex whilst inhaling laughing gas that's sweeping the country.

It's called a Jolly Roger.

 

A pirate walks into a pub with a parrot on his shoulder. The landlord asks, "Where did you get that from?" Parrot replies, "Jamaica, there's hundreds of them out there!"

 

All right Jim lad,who put sand in the vasaline,?it did give old Long John a rough passage.What will it be Miss Purity a parrot or a cock a too? I'll have a parrot for a change please.

 

An elderly pirate retired from the sea and his pirating career, married his favourite whore and purchased a small wooden bungalow set in an acre of land where both himself and his good lady wife grew strawberries and made jam for a living. Unfortunately, because of the lack of decent advertising, they never managed to sell any jam until it had gone past its use by date, meaning they had to sell it cheap.

Everybody on the island knew this and they would wait for a month before going up to the ex pirates bungalow to get some cheap fruit preserve.

You couldn't miss the place. Go up the dirt road and look for a wooden bungalow going by the name of "Old Jam Acre"

 

We defiantly need a "Groan" button^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

Defiantly? We defiantly need a dictionary.