Piracy....Crew needed.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by wet_blobby, Dec 30, 2009.

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  1. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Well, the way I see it is this is a pretty lucrative lifestyle choice, if them Somalians can crack it then we should be able to nail the job.

    So I reckon if we get a crew together, concentrate on British flagged ships because the UK Govt is a bit whishy washy on dealing with pirates we'll have it made and be millionaires in no time.

    Who's with me then my hearties? We'll need a few people who are competent with bang sticks for the initial boarding so I guess that kind of rules out Jack but we'll need sailing types to do well, the sailing stuff, so that's where jack comes into his own. Please address your response to "Capt Damp patch" and state what qualifications you could bring to the pirate crew.
  2. I am a vegetarian hating most people at the other side of the front gate[booties and ex booties are fine and most military brothers and sisters in arms] the Charlie G was the only thing I ever truly bonded with I can easily take out a inflatable at 500yds preferably with a full crew crimson sea water looks so good in the setting sun. Samurai Sam is my Dojo name and my Katana skills need to be honed to perfection this opportunity is a Godsend.

    Having met these Somalian/Nigerian's driving taxi cabs in Dublin and having caught a few stealing carrots of the allotment and therefore being truly pissed off with the cnuts I would like to apply for this soft job earning loadsa money.

    Send reply to Allotment 64 Bohernabreena South Dublin Ireland
  3. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Dear Captain Damp Patch,

    I humbly beg to be allowed to join your crew of jolly jack bastards as one of the boarding party.

    I'm trained in the use of various firearms, i can be intimidating if required and i've seen Pirates of the Carribean. I know nautical terms such as port, starboard, pointy end & blunty end and i'm a qualified diver. I love getting licked by my cat, i can say "Ah haarrgggh" like Blackbeard and can get my hands on a talking parrot. I would love to be able to say that i was second man on the Quarterdeck. Eye patch available on request.


  4. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Outstanding, two men up for it already.

    In true pirate democracy as you two noble thieves stepped forward first you're joint Captains on the good ship..yet to be named..Welcome aboard me hearties, AAaaarrh.
  5. Would'nt work Blobbs, as soon as the signal got back to Whitehall that a boat load of mainly White British Pirates was operating, this Government would have you imprisoned or blown out of the water. Michael Mansfield would be defending, Cherie would be after Compo and Keir Starmer would say it was ok . :D

    BTW I said mainly white, because that is the demographic break down of this Country.

  6. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    We could wear Camo cream, stop being defeatist. :rr:

  7. I would be the first in the queue if I thought you was for real.
    Anyone who served with me in the gulf will tell you of the master plan I was obsessed with.
    We used to stop dhows and put an assay officer aboard to estimate the value of the gold bullion they were carrying. Some times there would be a couple of million in THEM DAYS value, so Christ alone knows what or if they do it now.
    There would be an old geezer, his missus, a couple of 18/30's a dog or two and a bunch of sprogs.
    My idea was to buy an old MTB of which there were scores about for sale, get a few sets of no8's a white ensign and off you go. Stop steal shoot and sink. No probs, just the initial outlay and bobs your uncle.
    All my oppo's were never fully convinced that I would do it, and those that did were either too PC about it or suffered with morals about "disappearing the family". I am not afflicted with either of those handicaps. :twisted: :roll: :wink:
  8. Blobbs
    Sorry mate, lol


    PS sign me up when you have a boat.....................
  9. Why do they make it in white? :roll: :D
  10. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Good idea, we should get us one of them. I particularly like the ones with loads of guns on... MGB?
  11. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Dont be daft, I'm signing you up as the front man. :lol:
  12. And if dey come's after us I get to be at the back. Yes?
    Ah do so miss de Plantation, and da cotton masta boss 8O :D :cry:
  13. Sound idea...but you could have a bit of trouble finding someone who can climb a rope....

  14. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    I've fallen off more ropes than you can shout "too the top and back again GGOooooooo".....err, you may have a point. We'll take a ladder and only attack ships when the sea is calm.
  15. I would like to sign up as the ships surgeon.
    I can also bend them as well as mend them using my (t)rusty scalpel.

    Yours expectantly

    Surgeon Leading Junior Shipman (Aka Killer)
  16. Don't bring no rope by me honky, it make's my neck twinge. :evil: 8O :wink:
  17. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Oiy, this is a pirate crew, we're all democratic, no special favours for minorities. Anyway, why hang the public "face" of our little enterprise.
  18. I'm in bro. :rr: :glasses4: :thumbup:

    I can get a car. Any car :wink:
  19. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Mate, once we've nicked a few oil tankers I'll get you a top of the range BMW
  20. Are you kiddin, I get stopped three times a mile in a ford Anglia. 8O :D

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