Pipes

sulzer

Lantern Swinger
On a certain ship we had a Scouser whom nobody could understand, His leading rate arrived but as he was so unintelligible we put him as QM on the main broadcast. Chaos ensued but after two days of grief he spoke very clearly and was rated up. Afterwards he thanked us for the intensive therapy. TM
 
there was a fair amount of stick (fnar) for the poor wrens on invince:

on leaving the wall " all wrens are now officially fit"
on next getting alongside some weeks later "all wrens are now officially rats"

on return to pompey from gulf / kosovo trip on invincible

"dya hear there........all wrens are reminded to return men on temporary loan to wives and girlfriends upon our return to portsmouth ..that is all"

made me giggle!
 

flymo

War Hero
Oh I give in, here we go:

Broadsword in '87 during the Iran/Iraq war Gulf Patrol. We came across an upturned fishing Dow so the Jimmy thought it would be a good idea to sink it whilst giving our gunners a chance to have some needed gunnery practise (We were on station when USS Stark was hit by the Iraqi Exocet...)
Needless to say, I awoke very suddenly from my off watch Defence Watch sleep to the sound of gunfire ... :-/ but that's another story....
Bimbled down to the Quarterpatch to see the bullets either missing the target or just bouncing off. I believe one of the gunners (Smudge) kept shutting his eyes due to the recoil from the Bofors. What do you expect if you never get to fire the damn thing. Turned the ship around for the guys on the other battery to have a go, with the same results.

That night the Jimmy kept making pipes from his cabin ref eyesight tests being available from the gunners messdeck etc. The boys were getting quite pissed off.

One of the TAS guys was Bosuns Scrote on the bridge and asked the OOW if he could make a reply. OOW said "no" - but the Bosun's Mate said "just say I did it without you knowing". So the pipe went out:

"The person taking the table tennis equipment is to return the bats to the PTI and balls to the First Lieutenant"

The pipes from the Jimmy stopped. Nothing further was said by anyone.

Oh and the fishing boat? Came back the following day and depth charged the damn thing from the helo. The whole thing cost the MOD a small fortune.

True Dit
 

Dhobybucket

Newbie
HMS Intrepid whilst docked down in Pompey 'Marine Growth, Dock bottom' also 'Chief Yeoman Rocket, flight deck at the woosh'

HMS Manchester, HQ1 watckeeper half way through a packet of penuts, 'Hands are warned to stand clear of intakes and uptakes, main engines about to be dry roasted'
 

SnaggyBosun

Midshipman
I was out on a dockyard bimble whilst in Pompey. As I was passing one of her majesties finest, the daily ed's fella turned up. Instead of the Q.M. piping the usual daily editorials. The following pipe was made. The little fat fuck, in the lttle white truck is now in attendance on the jetty. Daily eds fella did not look happy.

Also one duty weekend on the Sheffield. The QM pipes "Newspapers, sweeties, and porn are now available on the jetty" The officer of the day promptly phoned the QM gave him a bollocking and told him to re-make the correct pipe. The following pipe was made. "Newspapers, sweeties, and those magazines that you take to the heads with you, are now in attendance on the jetty"
 

RP1986

GCM
brigham600 said:
Geoff_Wessex said:
"RO Tait - Flight Deck"
I used to know an RO Tait. His name was Mark and think he made it to LRO(G) before he left some years ago.
I also used to know an RO Tait, i think it was on the Edinburgh in the early 90's

I also knew a POcook Cook, A Chef Galley and an AB Sutherland who was sent to his first ship which was HMS Sutherland, his nick name was and remains so, as he's still in, is Shit Draft.
 

flymo

War Hero
RP1986 said:
brigham600 said:
Geoff_Wessex said:
"RO Tait - Flight Deck"
I used to know an RO Tait. His name was Mark and think he made it to LRO(G) before he left some years ago.
I also used to know an RO Tait, i think it was on the Edinburgh in the early 90's

I also knew a POcook Cook, A Chef Galley and an AB Sutherland who was sent to his first ship which was HMS Sutherland, his nick name was and remains so, as he's still in, is Shit Draft.
Going off topic slightly here, the Broadsword had a Master at Arms Holmes, a LReg Watson and a POMEA Crook.

Who said drafty hasnt got a sense of humour?
 

busterbroon

Lantern Swinger
where is the old classic RO Bot mechanical workshop

also i'm sure its Wem Brandt rather than REM

Anywho we used to have a phantom piper on the Newcastle 93-94, who must have used any and every tannoy system he could get his hands on - just to do the same old pipe, he was never caught

the scene Christmas dinner alongside RO-RO jetty FI

THE PIPE do you hear there, ships cat speaking - meiow

not matter how many times it happened over a 8 month deployment, it was always funny*


* you may have had to be there to find it funny :)
 

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