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Penis won't fit!

tiddlyoggy

War Hero
Book Reviewer
I of course if I wanted to,.... could come over single handed and rip you away from your tins, then without mercy beat the shit out of you and that other fuckin wimp and dead beat NZB. Rip you into convenient size body parts and post you to Rum Ration members.
Its a good job for you two I don't want to.
And I've pulled my back anyway.

You mean you gave me a false address? Bastard, fucking wild goose chase! I hate you even more now making me go to Birmingham for nothing!8)
 

MG Maniac

War Hero
Hmm! Ticket / Popcorn sales are down on account that this is very one sided and the small todgered, one eye'd sock puppet who thinks he can track IP addresses and go rip Wits a new arsehole hasn't come out of the hole he's hiding in.

Tickets / Popcorn thus withdrawn from sale as this has to be Norman and I claim my £5!
 

tiddlyoggy

War Hero
Book Reviewer
Hmm! Ticket / Popcorn sales are down on account that this is very one sided and the small todgered, one eye'd sock puppet who thinks he can track IP addresses and go rip Wits a new arsehole hasn't come out of the hole he's hiding in.

Hmmmmm.......do you think that he might be feeling just a tad embarrassed now?
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
There's a few that livened up the site such as Nailz, RonJeremy and even Norman. Seem to be a dearth of spackers as well. Hopefully lmb will keep on and give us all someone to pick on.
 

Rumrat

War Hero
You mean you gave me a false address? Bastard, fucking wild goose chase! I hate you even more now making me go to Birmingham for nothing!8)

What do you mean nothing.
Did you not think to grab a few elocution lessons whilst there.
What the fucks up with you.
 

tiddlyoggy

War Hero
Book Reviewer
There's a few that livened up the site such as Nailz, RonJeremy and even Norman. Seem to be a dearth of spackers as well. Hopefully lmb will keep on and give us all someone to pick on.

I wouldn't pick on him if I were you; he'll track your something or other and smash your face through your 'puter, that don't sound good!
 

Rumrat

War Hero
Hello Mr Soprano,

If frogman had a cheesy hammy eggy for every time some helmet made empty threats to me on the interporn he would be a right fat bastard.

I'll play along even if I suspect you're a sockpuppet. I doubt you could track down your dummy which you just spat out. How is your IP search going? I'll help you out, last night I was in an Aberdeen hotel and now I'm sitting at home in sunny Glasgow. I'll send you the bus fare if you really want to meet, but you'll have to be quick because I'm fucking off for a couple of weeks on Tuesday.

Somehow I also suspect you're all piss & wind and sadly our paths will never cross.

When I come on here with a the new username of Captain Tamworth and threaten the shit out of you, you won't sus it's me in a million years.
I ain't fuckin stupid I'll use a o phone. That will be after i phone.
 

tiddlyoggy

War Hero
Book Reviewer
Did you not think to grab a few elocution lessons whilst there.

I'll have you know that a Lincolnshire accent after 20+ years of living in Devon evolves into something even the royal family would proud of. Oh sorry, meant Royle family.
 

tiddlyoggy

War Hero
Book Reviewer
I thought you were a bit of a RR Sherlock, you've not read up on me that much! I'm from Grimsby originally.
 

Rumrat

War Hero
I thought you were a bit of a RR Sherlock, you've not read up on me that much! I'm from Grimsby originally.

I'm as lazy as you can get me, so don't do the in depth.
My missus is always asking questions, I tell her, I'm retired not a fuckin detective.
I lived in Sleaford for a while and I also did a bit of time in Lincoln. One step ahead of the comedians it was not the nick.
 

tiddlyoggy

War Hero
Book Reviewer
I'm as lazy as you can get me, so don't do the in depth.
My missus is always asking questions, I tell her, I'm retired not a fuckin detective.
I lived in Sleaford for a while and I also did a bit of time in Lincoln. One step ahead of the comedians it was not the nick.

Problem with Lincolnshire is the amount of crabs based there, though not so bad now. A lot of shitholes in the county I'm afraid, though Lincoln itself is a nice city. Grimsby a major shit hole, but the best Fish and chips in the world.
 

Redsailor

Lantern Swinger
Strange that you should seek sexual advice, especially on this particular forum and not expect to be subjected to some form of public ridicule or piss taking. Giving you the benefit of the doubt as to the size of your tackle or any possible deficiencies in your own seduction techniques perhaps your young woman should instead be seeking medical advice. While Wikipedia may not be the most reliable source around it does indicate what may be the problem that is preventing insertion of your chopper into said female orifice (see link).

It is called Vaginismus, a nervous tension that tightens the muscles of the vagina making penetration painful or impossible.
Once upon a time it used to be called being pigeon-holed and the time honoured submariners solution to this dilemma was as follows: First get the said female into a state of relaxation with the copious imbibing of her preferred alcoholic beverage. Then having disrobed her, smear the affected area with a liberal mixture of diesel oil (made us feel more at home) and some graphite grease (saved putting sand in the Vaseline) and then proceed to successfully blowing the tween-decks out of the young lady who assuredly will be truly grateful for what she is about to receive.

Vaginismus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
 
Last edited:

witsend

MIA
Book Reviewer
a liberal mixture of diesel oil

I thought you old timers always say you were straight and the RN didn't have any bummers?
 

Rumrat

War Hero
Problem with Lincolnshire is the amount of crabs based there, though not so bad now. A lot of shitholes in the county I'm afraid, though Lincoln itself is a nice city. Grimsby a major shit hole, but the best Fish and chips in the world.
One must not titter giggle ,or snigger when I say that I spent three days of my honeymoon there in 1970 during my first marriage. I do not remember the fish and chips as I may have had other things on my mind.
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
One must not titter giggle ,or snigger when I say that I spent three days of my honeymoon there in 1970 during my first marriage. I do not remember the fish and chips as I may have had other things on my mind.

Or your face, being the honeymoon an' all.
 
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