Pearly Gates

A Celtic fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Green and white top. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Celtic fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Celtic fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Celtic supporter.
... "Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me.
Here's your thirty quid back, now **** off".
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter says, "Good afternoon, name please." The man replies, "Adjit Singh". St. Peter looks over his shoulder and shouts, "Anybody ordered a taxi?".
St. Peter needed to have the pearly gates painted and asked for estimates. When the Greek one came in it was way about the others so he queried it. why is the price so high? Two thousand three hundred euros is a lot for this job...?
The Greek Minister of Labour answered: 'It's obvious. One thousand for us, one thousand for Angela Merkel, and three hundred for the Poles who'll do the work.'

I didn't say it was original, just on topic.


War Hero
Three pikeys die in an accident in their flatbed scrap truck, knock on pearly gates and St Peter ask's who they are.
' Big G is a bit choosy who he let's in, I will ask his opinion so come back in half an hour'
30 mins later...St Pete to God ' They've gone'....'Who..the pikeys'..

'No the ******* gates'.
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