A Celtic fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Green and white top. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter. "Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Celtic fans in heaven." "What ?" exclaims the man, astonished. "You heard, no Celtic fans." "But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Celtic supporter. ... "Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?" "Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa". "Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?" "Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless." "Hmmm. Anything else?" "Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans." "Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor." Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty quid back, now **** off".