Paddy...........Did you have a bit to drink last night?

The_Caretaker

War Hero
Paddy had been drinking at his local pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy!â€

Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.

"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, Shoite, Shoite!"

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame.

He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face. "Be'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed."

He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed. The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?".

Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissssed. But how'd you know?"

"Mick phoned, . . . You left your wheelchair at the pub."
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
skyvet Paddy's War (Blatantly plaguerised, but worth it!) Land Ops 3
O Paddy & Murphy Blue Jokes 0
T Paddy the Farmer.... Miscellaneous 0
KLNA-Cessna-Jockey Paddy goes moose hunting Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Paddy 2 Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Paddy Miscellaneous 0
jesse Paddy Vincent History 4
P Where did we go? The Quarterdeck 9
MoD_RSS Inquiry leads to improved governance at community centre which trustees “did not recognise as being a charity” MoD News 0
Acryph What did I do wrong? The Gash Barge 1
MoD_RSS If your charity last did an annual return before 12 November 2018 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Our tech sector has already attracted more foreign investment this year than it did for the whole of 2018: article by Nicky Morgan MoD News 0
B FMG Football Team - Where did we play? Bases / Shore Est 4
vauxhall Did you know ... Finance & Pensions 0
A How long did it take Capita to review your medical info? Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 9
LateToTheParty HMS Conqueror - Did anyone on here serve on her? Submariners 8
G How did you phone home from Raleigh? History 12
A What marks did you get for PT? Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 2
skyvet Did I miss something? Diamond Lil's 8
SONAR-BENDER What did Santa bring you? Diamond Lil's 48
S How did my dad get home? History 4
Scouse_Scribes Journey - you mean how I did something Diamond Lil's 3
C When did? Miscellaneous 6
soleil Navy News: "Did You Serve In Watery Wessex?" The Fleet Air Arm 11
scouse It did happen The Fleet Air Arm 0
slim Where did the term draft come from? The Quarterdeck 12
J How did minesweepers operate in WW1 The Fleet 9
alfred_the_great What did the FAA do for us in WW2? The Fleet Air Arm 13
P HMS Artful - did no one go ? Submariners 0
angry_mac Gratuity, what did you spaf yours on? The Afterlife - Resettlement and Jobs 31
MaiBelle Why oh why did I buy a white car? Motoring 43
cooksmate I bet they did that on porpoise. Diamond Lil's 22
trelawney126 Did Boots do Double Points for Mrs Hulme Diamond Lil's 3
soleil Guide And Gazette: "Did You Serve At Shore Base HMS Collingwood?" Bases / Shore Est 4
Sumo What did you do to waste a good week end Diamond Lil's 41
stan_the_man We did it better in the old days didn't we???? Diamond Lil's 35
Sumo I wish I did not do that Diamond Lil's 21
soleil Pompey News: "‘It Was An Awful Loss – But What We Did Freed Falklands’ History 0
RabC How Did I Guess? Diamond Lil's 4
Sharkey Where did you get that hat Diamond Lil's 0
Rumrat What Gloria didn't write, so I did. Diamond Lil's 3
L Don't worry about tomorrow, you already did that yesterday Miscellaneous 4
Rodgersthecabinboy Anyone know if they did go all the way ? Diamond Lil's 2
C Did anyone give Tetley's a Bell??? Social & Reunions 19
R when did we lose our Reserve shoulder flashes? Royal Naval Reserve (RNR) 37
stan_the_man The day I really did shit myself Diamond Lil's 11
Illuminati Did anyone hear about that new Muslim strip joint that just opened?? Diamond Lil's 0
F Did you know ... Miscellaneous 23
WreckerL It's them thar aliens wot did it Diamond Lil's 2
soleil Pompey News: "What Heroic Feat Did A Petty Officer Perform?" History 23
Similar threads


















































Latest Threads

Top