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oxygen theives

Griff9781

Griff9781

Midshipman
You either love em or hate em, you know who I`m talking about they can go by many different names for example oxygen thief, waist of a set of 8`s or doomers. The matelots who just didn`t have a clue I know one in particular who was asked to go down the fx locker to get the boatswains chair and he came back with the buffers clicky bed. Ha Ha. and the one who we sent up to see the pusser because his bunk light bill was to high. Fond memorys of thick people. Has anyone got s similiar tale?
 
Seeing some poor bastard with a pussers right angle 'charging' the escape arrows during the dogs always raised a smile. Not sure if that counts as an oxygen thief. The one who does was a Std who was laying floor polish (ME7?) with a mop in the wardroom flat. The POStd told him to do it by hand or it wouldn't come up properly and sure enough he was found 30 minutes later dippping his bare hand into a bucket of floor polish and wiping it all over the deck. Total waste of rations but v good for morale!
 
During rounds one evening, i noticed that a fire hydrant was dripping, having told a young sprog to report it i thought nothing of it, coming back past it 5 mins later, i saw the youngster brace up and salute the jimmy " leak ready for rounds sir" i laugh about it now!!!
 
The old ones are the best - sprogs who filled in the money changing chit and sent their English money to ships office to be changed into Gibraltian Dib Dobs.
 
FFS

Norway 1993, Mne Smudger missing the step across onto the LC and going into the oggin wearing his bergen. Dragged out of the oggin, told to go below to dry his kit out and then proceeded to set fire to it. "My kits on fire" Well put it out you cnut, "I can't its very on fire"!! :oops:

FFS
 
A JREM on eskimo in '67, touring the ship with a request form in hand to do a MUFF Diving course (Manual Underwater Firefighting). He managed to get around 20 signatures before someone lost their patience and put him wise! He was told that before he would be considered for the course, his suitability would be tested by 15 mins on the splash target, he was a grubby little fcuk and could have done with the wash!
 
As duty killick in charge of duty watch.....
Got dragged out of my pit alongside devonport because some AB had been told to chip paint on the quarterdeck and had given the petrol stowage emergency release handle a good seeing to and our cans were floating off down river.
Another duty
Have an admiral visiting and duty watch are cleaning up the jetty / gangway area, XO says to me, "get someone to get the wet and dry hoover and get rid of that puddle will you", I just said "Are you really ordering me to hoover up a puddle boss", to which he replied "Ah, no, belay my last" and scurried back to the wardrobe.
 
One guy known as HP springs to mind from my old 10MCM days; he started life as a Muppet, but rebadged to steward when he found he couldn't hack it on the sweepdeck.

After one sea weekend we'd returned to port and were cleaning up prior to rounds; AB Muppet was assisting the chef in the galley, straight after Sunday dinner. The chef asks the Muppet to check whether any of the hot-plates on the range are on; the chef assumed that Muppet would simply look at the swiches on the deck-head, but no, AB Muppet goes for the more direct approach by placing his hand flat on each plate in turn uttering the words, "this one's off, this one's off, this one's off, shit! that one's on!" - result one blistered hand and the immediate new knick-name of "HP". Fast forward a few months, and Baby Steward HP is again assisting in the galley - chef asks his to check the temperature of the water in the urn; HP's response was to open the tap and put his hand full in the stream of steaming nearly boiling water to earn himself another trip to the coxswain for immediate first aid.
 
FlagWagger said:
One guy known as HP springs to mind from my old 10MCM days; he started life as a Muppet, but rebadged to steward when he found he couldn't hack it on the sweepdeck.

After one sea weekend we'd returned to port and were cleaning up prior to rounds; AB Muppet was assisting the chef in the galley, straight after Sunday dinner. The chef asks the Muppet to check whether any of the hot-plates on the range are on; the chef assumed that Muppet would simply look at the swiches on the deck-head, but no, AB Muppet goes for the more direct approach by placing his hand flat on each plate in turn uttering the words, "this one's off, this one's off, this one's off, shit! that one's on!" - result one blistered hand and the immediate new knick-name of "HP". Fast forward a few months, and Baby Steward HP is again assisting in the galley - chef asks his to check the temperature of the water in the urn; HP's response was to open the tap and put his hand full in the stream of steaming nearly boiling water to earn himself another trip to the coxswain for immediate first aid.
Click to expand...
Now that is special :grin:
 
During my time at Raleigh we persuaded the junior class to "report" the fish tank for rounds, telling them they had to apologise if the fish weren't at attention and I seem to remember a few student nurses who were sent to stores at Haslar for a set of Fallopian Tubes.
 
FlagWagger said:
One guy known as HP springs to mind from my old 10MCM days; he started life as a Muppet, but rebadged to steward when he found he couldn't hack it on the sweepdeck.

After one sea weekend we'd returned to port and were cleaning up prior to rounds; AB Muppet was assisting the chef in the galley, straight after Sunday dinner. The chef asks the Muppet to check whether any of the hot-plates on the range are on; the chef assumed that Muppet would simply look at the swiches on the deck-head, but no, AB Muppet goes for the more direct approach by placing his hand flat on each plate in turn uttering the words, "this one's off, this one's off, this one's off, shit! that one's on!" - result one blistered hand and the immediate new knick-name of "HP". Fast forward a few months, and Baby Steward HP is again assisting in the galley - chef asks his to check the temperature of the water in the urn; HP's response was to open the tap and put his hand full in the stream of steaming nearly boiling water to earn himself another trip to the coxswain for immediate first aid.
Click to expand...

Is it really possible to be THAT thick? He wasn't ex-public school was he by any chance? :lol:
 
bucket said:
During my time at Raleigh we persuaded the junior class to "report" the fish tank for rounds, telling them they had to apologise if the fish weren't at attention and I seem to remember a few student nurses who were sent to stores at Haslar for a set of Fallopian Tubes.
Click to expand...

Bless! :roll: :lol:

PS: I take it these were MALE nurses then? :shock: Oh yes, and how many of the fish did swim to attention? :lol:
 
Funniest one I ever saw was the one-man para course that Recconaissance Troupe 41 Commando ran on Bulwark.

The young, tall and extremely gangly NAAFI damager had seen the troop jumping and wanted to know how he could get airborne. For 2 days they had him running around the flight deck in full kit with parachute and CSPEP, jumping off the bridge wing with a piece of pussers manilla tied round his waist and subjected to a chipping hammer attack on his helmet to simulate a C-130 rivet inspection.

The course finished with a parade and the award of half a set of wings and right up to the end he still didn't suspect a thing.
 
Winter '57 at Mercury, couple of inches of snow on the deck. Enter squad of Coder specials with killick bunting in charge armed with stiff brooms.
Sweeping normally, bristles at right angle to snow = no joy.
Killick say's "Right lads turn your brooms over"
Picture large group of super intelligent coders with bristles firmly tucked under arm trying to shift snow with round end of broom handle.

You couldn't make it up!

2BM
 

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