oxygen theives

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Griff9781, Mar 1, 2007.

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  1. You either love em or hate em, you know who I`m talking about they can go by many different names for example oxygen thief, waist of a set of 8`s or doomers. The matelots who just didn`t have a clue I know one in particular who was asked to go down the fx locker to get the boatswains chair and he came back with the buffers clicky bed. Ha Ha. and the one who we sent up to see the pusser because his bunk light bill was to high. Fond memorys of thick people. Has anyone got s similiar tale?
  2. Seeing some poor bastard with a pussers right angle 'charging' the escape arrows during the dogs always raised a smile. Not sure if that counts as an oxygen thief. The one who does was a Std who was laying floor polish (ME7?) with a mop in the wardroom flat. The POStd told him to do it by hand or it wouldn't come up properly and sure enough he was found 30 minutes later dippping his bare hand into a bucket of floor polish and wiping it all over the deck. Total waste of rations but v good for morale!
  3. During rounds one evening, i noticed that a fire hydrant was dripping, having told a young sprog to report it i thought nothing of it, coming back past it 5 mins later, i saw the youngster brace up and salute the jimmy " leak ready for rounds sir" i laugh about it now!!!
  4. The old ones are the best - sprogs who filled in the money changing chit and sent their English money to ships office to be changed into Gibraltian Dib Dobs.
  5. FFS

    Norway 1993, Mne Smudger missing the step across onto the LC and going into the oggin wearing his bergen. Dragged out of the oggin, told to go below to dry his kit out and then proceeded to set fire to it. "My kits on fire" Well put it out you cnut, "I can't its very on fire"!! :oops:

  6. A JREM on eskimo in '67, touring the ship with a request form in hand to do a MUFF Diving course (Manual Underwater Firefighting). He managed to get around 20 signatures before someone lost their patience and put him wise! He was told that before he would be considered for the course, his suitability would be tested by 15 mins on the splash target, he was a grubby little fcuk and could have done with the wash!
  7. As duty killick in charge of duty watch.....
    Got dragged out of my pit alongside devonport because some AB had been told to chip paint on the quarterdeck and had given the petrol stowage emergency release handle a good seeing to and our cans were floating off down river.
    Another duty
    Have an admiral visiting and duty watch are cleaning up the jetty / gangway area, XO says to me, "get someone to get the wet and dry hoover and get rid of that puddle will you", I just said "Are you really ordering me to hoover up a puddle boss", to which he replied "Ah, no, belay my last" and scurried back to the wardrobe.
  8. FlagWagger

    FlagWagger Book Reviewer

    One guy known as HP springs to mind from my old 10MCM days; he started life as a Muppet, but rebadged to steward when he found he couldn't hack it on the sweepdeck.

    After one sea weekend we'd returned to port and were cleaning up prior to rounds; AB Muppet was assisting the chef in the galley, straight after Sunday dinner. The chef asks the Muppet to check whether any of the hot-plates on the range are on; the chef assumed that Muppet would simply look at the swiches on the deck-head, but no, AB Muppet goes for the more direct approach by placing his hand flat on each plate in turn uttering the words, "this one's off, this one's off, this one's off, shit! that one's on!" - result one blistered hand and the immediate new knick-name of "HP". Fast forward a few months, and Baby Steward HP is again assisting in the galley - chef asks his to check the temperature of the water in the urn; HP's response was to open the tap and put his hand full in the stream of steaming nearly boiling water to earn himself another trip to the coxswain for immediate first aid.
  9. Now that is special :grin:
  10. During my time at Raleigh we persuaded the junior class to "report" the fish tank for rounds, telling them they had to apologise if the fish weren't at attention and I seem to remember a few student nurses who were sent to stores at Haslar for a set of Fallopian Tubes.
  11. Is it really possible to be THAT thick? He wasn't ex-public school was he by any chance? :lol:
  12. Bless! :roll: :lol:

    PS: I take it these were MALE nurses then? :shock: Oh yes, and how many of the fish did swim to attention? :lol:
  13. Funniest one I ever saw was the one-man para course that Recconaissance Troupe 41 Commando ran on Bulwark.

    The young, tall and extremely gangly NAAFI damager had seen the troop jumping and wanted to know how he could get airborne. For 2 days they had him running around the flight deck in full kit with parachute and CSPEP, jumping off the bridge wing with a piece of pussers manilla tied round his waist and subjected to a chipping hammer attack on his helmet to simulate a C-130 rivet inspection.

    The course finished with a parade and the award of half a set of wings and right up to the end he still didn't suspect a thing.
  14. FlagWagger

    FlagWagger Book Reviewer

    Yes he was, and no he wasn't (I don't think).
  15. Winter '57 at Mercury, couple of inches of snow on the deck. Enter squad of Coder specials with killick bunting in charge armed with stiff brooms.
    Sweeping normally, bristles at right angle to snow = no joy.
    Killick say's "Right lads turn your brooms over"
    Picture large group of super intelligent coders with bristles firmly tucked under arm trying to shift snow with round end of broom handle.

    You couldn't make it up!

  16. When I was on the old Ark FD party I was watching this LA(AH) waiting up frwd for a Yank helicopter to arrive. The intention was to put it on one of the frwd spots. when the yank arrived the pilot decided to put it on one of the aft spots. On seeing this the LA(AH) started to run down aft. He then started to run over the frwd lift and yes you guessed it, the lift driver decided to take it down. The last I saw of the LA(AH) was his hands waving as he disappeared down towards the lower hanger. Next time I saw him he was kicking ten bells out of the lift driver. After 30 years I still chuckle about this one.
  17. Ha Ha all very amusing. Another one I remembered is a lad doin rounds with the buffer and wanted to comment on how long buffs had been in (I think he`d heard one of the lads say the phrase when ships were made of wood and men were made of steel) In the middle of the Scc he made a complete tit of himself. I think the conversation went a bit like this.

    Sprog: You`ve been in a fair while now Buffs aint ya?
    Buffs : Yes mate 22 years leavin soon though
    Sprog : Ooooh I bet you can remember when Ships were made of steel and men were made of Concrete. Ha Ha tickles me everytime
  18. Remember when we were on Fishery Patrol round Iceland: The Gunnery Officer run all these different radio programs, one of them was "Candid Tape Recorder" hmmmm!! he asked about all sorts of different things without them knowing they were being recorded.

    One was a young OD, on lifebuoy sentry, during the first watch and it was a bit hairy weather wise, as was usual in the winter in that sunny clime lol.

    "GUNNER" Said that he was looking for a volunteer for a special duties task. Then ask's him if he would volunteer to be the sentry on the next "Towed Target"??

    "OD". What would I have to do ?? and would I be safe??.

    "GUNNER" All you would have to do is stand behind the target and report to the ship where the fall of shot was landing on the target!! (Target was about 15' X 8'. on a pontoon.

    "OD", "Would I be safe when they are firing at the target ??"".

    "GUNNER" Why yes !!, of course !!, you know how accurate the 4.5" turret is ?? and we will only be five miles away, so we can place the shot between the squares if we wanted to, it'll be a piece of cake.
    "GUNNER"And talking about cake, you will be supplied with a pack lunch, for the day and you can take as many cans of soft drink as you want!!.

    "OD" Does that include coca cola??

    "GUNNER". Yes anything that you want, as we want you to be comfortable, so you can take a mess deck stool with you, and at 1200 hrs you can have a lie down for an hour!!
    "OD" 'twould be better if I had two stools then I could have a sleep between firings "Sir"/

    "GUNNER" we can arrange that, just leave it to me, and how would you like a wee trip on the Iceland Patrol vessel "THOR".

    "OD" that would be great "SIR"

    "GUNNER" leave it all to me, I'll let you know when it will happen lol.

    Once these radio clips started to be played through the "S.R.E.", we all used to cack ourselves laughing at all the guys who had been caught, he even got the "Old Buffer" on something or other.

    That was a great ship for humour.

  19. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: My coffee's just ended up splattered on my PC monitor!
  20. Sorry Steve, I'll clear it up!


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