District nurse to old codger, 'Mr Jones have you shit yourself?'
Reply, 'No nurse.'
Nurse says 'I can smell something, drop your pants.'
Drops pants, huge turd inside.
Nurse says, 'You said you hadn't shit yourself.'
'I thought you meant today nurse !'
A pongo is on a course at an RAF base and is blown away by the opulence of the accommodation. Next day he complains to the accommodation manager that the water keeps draining from his en-suite bath.
‘’It may seem simple but did you put the plug in?’’ said the manager
‘’Bloody hell, electric baths as well!’’ gasped the pongo