Lantern Swinger
I won a competition last week, prize was either £500 or a VIP ticket to see an Elvis impersonator.
When I phoned the number they told me to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show....
An Englishman, a Jew and a Scotsman go for a meal in a swish London restaurant.
After 3 expensive courses they call for the bill and the Scotsman says "I'll settle this."
Headline in next morning's newspaper, "Jewish ventriloquist found stabbed in alley!"

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