One-liners

A poof goes into a pub with a poodle on a sequined lead, "Pink gin please!"
"Out," says the barman, "We don't serve your type in here and anyway, it's no dogs allowed." Poof says to the poodle, "Lovelace, attack!" Poodle leaps up at the barman and goes, "Bowsie Wowsie!"
 
A poof goes into a pub with a poodle on a sequined lead, "Pink gin please!"
"Out," says the barman, "We don't serve your type in here and anyway, it's no dogs allowed." Poof says to the poodle, "Lovelace, attack!" Poodle leaps up at the barman and goes, "Bowsie Wowsie!"
This thread should be retitled, 'Step this way for the 1970s'
 
POSTWD at sea action planesman, and new trainee officer,

Planesman get on depth, too deep or too shallow, constantly comes from his squeaky voice.

Scran in wardroom trainee ask POSTWD for a bowl of soup, so he dishes it up with a dribble in the bottom, expected complaint PO there is not enough soup in this bowl, POSTED takes away and tops it right up and then clumsily splashes on to trainee, who instantly complains, POSTWD replies too shallow now Too deep just no pleasing some is there, then walks away to wardroom in tears.
 
At sea. Lt complaining to the killick STD that the crackling on his roast pork wasn't crackly enough. LSTD gets a packet of crisps from the bar and stands behind said officer. Every time the Lt took a mouthful of food, the LSTD would crunch some crisps right next to his ear.
 
A new young officer on watch in the control room, which is in black lighting, when asked by the watch leader why he was thinking of resigning his commission..

In a squeaky type voice " I don't get the respect I deserve on here Sir"

Voice from the back of the control room "Oh yes you fucking do"

He resigned his commission :)
 
I was out for a walk with the hounds! When I heard this snuffled noise coming from a parked AA van ! I went over to it & saw a guy in the front sobbing ! He said he was heading for a breakdown !
 
Two blokes talking in the pub. One says, "I caught the wife in bed with my best friend." Other one asks, "What did you do?"
"I told her to pack her bags and get out."
"What did you say to your best friend?"
"I told him he was a bad dog!"
 

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