One-liners

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Pontius, Aug 28, 2010.

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  1. Jack has always lead the pack when it comes to one-liners. From classics such as, "he's had more time off than Rip Van Winkle's bunk light" to more recent ones, like Rumrat on another thread, "most blokes in RR have spent more time on one wave than you've been in a blue suit".

    I've heard quite a few but, even though I thought they were funny at the time and should have been stowed for future use, I think the beer monsters may have addled my brain because I'm damned if I can remember more that a couple.

    So, come on, me salty dogs (that's me trying to sound anchor-faced but WAFUs aren't so good at it), let's be hearing the best of your (RN) one-liners.
     
  2. He's had more time off than

    Clint Eastwood's safety catch

    or


    He's had more time off than

    CINCFLEET's 8's
     
  3. I was in Baghdad before you were in your dads bags.
     
  4. More time off than:

    Stephen Hawking's treadmill

    Douglas Bader's flip flops

    Percy Thrower's lawnmower

    Lord Nelson's starboard anti-flash glove
     
  5. I was on Nelson main gate when you were on cow and gates.
    I was hanging off bulkhead stops when you were hanging off bus stops.
    If brains was windolene,he would not have enough to clean the starboard monocle on a sea horses AGR.
    On seeing a large wren in 8s"I have not seen that much material since full power trials on HMS Victory"
     
  6. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Dryer than a witches tit.

    Mouth like gandi's flip flop.

    Harder than Ron Jeremy.
     
  7. In roughers : seen more waves in my tot glass

    6 weeks "skimmers" patrol : 6 weeks? I've done longer trot moves!
     
  8. You stink like Gandi's nappy.
     
  9. Morning after a good run ashore"Got a mouth like the bottom of a camels stand easy tent"
     
  10. sweating like a Royal Marine/Submariner/WAFU/Reggie at a spelling test (delete as required)
     
  11. He gets more fuckin sleep than the unknown warrior.

    I was sloping arms when you were growing your bastards.
     
  12. "Those Wrens tits are bouncing up and down like John Wayne's Saddlebags!"
     
  13. Rum rat, your signature has just reminded me of another!
    When he joined up HMS Excellent was only VSAT.
    When he joined up the Dead sea was P2.
     
  14. I was marching two abreast when you were still swinging from 'em.

    He was so knackered he could kip on a niffers lower lip.
     
  15. For those of us who remember the film,

    As pissed as Cat Ballous horse!
     
  16. Keep 'em coming me hearties (see, I'm truly very RN-like). The leaders so far in making I larf :lol: :

    &
     
  17. 'I'm as dry as a Dead Dingo's Donger'
     
  18. When I joined up the Cross bow was still covered by the official secrets act.

    My first offence was a rusty breastplate.

    When I joined up the Victory was still growing.

    When I joined up Victory wasn't in Portsmouth, she was still in the New Forest.

    But one of the funniest ad lib lines was courtesy of a certain LRO who was standing in the NAAFI queue when a baby sailor announced "RO's give me the fuckin sh1ts"

    His immediate answer was "You shouldn't eat so many". :D
     
  19. A compliment to a rather large Wren on the fitness test.

    You dont sweat much for a fat lass
     
  20. I've never shagged arse, and I'll never do it again. 8O


    Women are alright but there's nowt like the real thing.

    I spend all my money on fags women and booze, the rest I squander.
     

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