War Hero
Jack has always lead the pack when it comes to one-liners. From classics such as, "he's had more time off than Rip Van Winkle's bunk light" to more recent ones, like Rumrat on another thread, "most blokes in RR have spent more time on one wave than you've been in a blue suit".

I've heard quite a few but, even though I thought they were funny at the time and should have been stowed for future use, I think the beer monsters may have addled my brain because I'm damned if I can remember more that a couple.

So, come on, me salty dogs (that's me trying to sound anchor-faced but WAFUs aren't so good at it), let's be hearing the best of your (RN) one-liners.


Lantern Swinger
More time off than:

Stephen Hawking's treadmill

Douglas Bader's flip flops

Percy Thrower's lawnmower

Lord Nelson's starboard anti-flash glove


War Hero
I was on Nelson main gate when you were on cow and gates.
I was hanging off bulkhead stops when you were hanging off bus stops.
If brains was windolene,he would not have enough to clean the starboard monocle on a sea horses AGR.
On seeing a large wren in 8s"I have not seen that much material since full power trials on HMS Victory"


In roughers : seen more waves in my tot glass

6 weeks "skimmers" patrol : 6 weeks? I've done longer trot moves!


War Hero
He gets more fuckin sleep than the unknown warrior.

I was sloping arms when you were growing your bastards.


War Hero
Rum rat, your signature has just reminded me of another!
When he joined up HMS Excellent was only VSAT.
When he joined up the Dead sea was P2.


War Hero
Keep 'em coming me hearties (see, I'm truly very RN-like). The leaders so far in making I larf :lol: :

On seeing a large wren in 8s"I have not seen that much material since full power trials on HMS Victory"
When he joined up HMS Excellent was only VSAT


War Hero
When I joined up the Cross bow was still covered by the official secrets act.

My first offence was a rusty breastplate.

When I joined up the Victory was still growing.

When I joined up Victory wasn't in Portsmouth, she was still in the New Forest.

But one of the funniest ad lib lines was courtesy of a certain LRO who was standing in the NAAFI queue when a baby sailor announced "RO's give me the fuckin sh1ts"

His immediate answer was "You shouldn't eat so many". :D


War Hero
I've never shagged arse, and I'll never do it again. 8O

Women are alright but there's nowt like the real thing.

I spend all my money on fags women and booze, the rest I squander.

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