One for Nutty


War Hero
Police announce pink and fluffy counselling teams
'Sorry we shot your boy, Mrs al-Zarqawi'
by Greg Doublewank

In a Government initiative to lessen the effect of trauma brought to those families whose nearest and dearest have been arrested, shot, incarcerated and then kicked back out onto the street without charge, police chiefs have been ordered to set up new pink and fluffy teams to offer them counselling and support.

The Association of Chief Police Officers (ACPO) is considering implementing the use of Muslim officers (if they can dig a few up from somewhere) to lend a breath of diversity to these teams, especially in the case of bungled anti-terror raids.

A Muslim Community Worker from the "Death to the Infidels and Non-Whites Generally Day Centre" in Finsbury Park was quoted as saying: "We are grateful at last to the chiefs of police who have realised the terrible effect on the Muslim community that these sort of events have. Families of so-called terror suspects suffer slurs and trauma when their so obviously innocent young men are herded from their beds at gunpoint and locked up without charge. We welcome this initiative to have some rapport with the police when this happens, but no whiteys, please."

A Met Police spokesduffer told our reporter: "We can see the need to have dialogue with the families of terror suspects, after all, we are not out to create terror ourselves. Robust policing in today's climate of fear can generate a feeling of ill will amongst certain groups. They may feel that they are being un-justly targeted and put upon. But these families can now be certain that when we do mount intelligence led raids, shootings and beatings of towelheaded terror suspects, our Community Support Teams will be on hand to offer them a nice cup of tea and a sympathetic ear, often by token police towelheads. You see, we do care."

The Rockall Times