Old folks

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by janner, Feb 21, 2011.

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  1. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home.
    Every night after dinner, He goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

    One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.

    After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, “Do you know what I miss most of all?”

    She asks, “What?”

    “Sex!!” he replies.

    Mildred exclaims, “Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!”

    “I know,” Harold says, “but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.”

    “Well, I can oblige,” says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.

    Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K.

    She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood!

    Furious, Mildred yelled, “You two-timing son-of-a-bitch! What does Ethel have that I don't have?”

    Old Harold smiled happily and replied, “Parkinson's
  2. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Last 10 pence

    A father walks into a restaurant with his young son..
    He gives the young boy three 10p coins to play with to keep him occupied.

    Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face....
    The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back..

    The boy coughs up 2 of the 10p's but is still choking.
    Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

    A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
    At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

    Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. tighter and tighter !!!
    After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and
    coughs up the last of the 10p's, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

    Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

    As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

    'No,' the woman replied.
    I'm with the Inland Revenue..
  3. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    What's blue and fcuks old grannies?

    Me, in my lucky blue suit!

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