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ode to submariner's

didn't notice this anywhere so thought id add it


In the beginning there was a word; and the word was God. All else was darkness and void without form. So God created the heavens and the earth. He created the sun and the moon and the stars, so that light may pierce the darkness. The earth, God divided between land and water and he filled with many assorted creatures.
The dark, salty, slimy creatures that inhabited the seashore he called Royal Marines and he dressed them accordingly, and the flighty creatures of the air he called Airy Fairies, and he clothed these in uniforms that were ruffled and foul. These creatures were not over popular, as their droppings fell on the earth below, but God forgave them as he said, ‘They knoweth not what they do’ The lower creatures of the sea God called skimmers, and with a twinkle in his eye, and a sense of humour that only he could have, God gave them big, grey targets to go to sea on. He gave them many splendid uniforms to wear. He gave them wonderful and exotic places to visit. He gave them pen and paper so that they may write home every week, and he gave them make and mends at sea. He also gave them a laundry so that they might keep their splendid uniforms clean. When you are God you tend to get carried away. On the seventh day as you know God rested and on the eighth day at 0700z God looked down at his labours and with his infinite wisdom, God created a divine creature and this divine creature he called a Submariner. And these submariners whom created in his own image, were to be of the deep, and to them he gave a white woolly jumper to keep them warm. He gave them black steel messengers of death to roam the depths of the seas, waging war against the forces of Satan and evil. He gave them hotels to stay in when they grew weary of doing God’s will. He gave them subsistence so that they may entertain ladies on nights ashore and impress the hell out of the creatures called skimmers.
At the end of the eighth day God looked down and saw that all was well. But still God was not happy, because in the course of his labours he had forgotten one thing. He had not given himself a submariners white woolly jumper. He thought long and hard and finally satisfied his mind. Not just anybody can be a submariner.
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