War Hero
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the barthat this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world."
Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot.
So he says that he will wager to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.
A customer walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus.
Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimmy Hendrix. The guitar owner pays up.
Another customer walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis. The trumpet-owner coughs up.
Then Jim, a Scotsman plunks some bagpipes on the table. The octopus fumbles with the bagpipes for a minute and then backs off with a confused look.
"Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae plae it?"
The octopus looks up at him and says: "Play it? I'm going to shag it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off."