Objectum Sexuality

That sticky stuff on the table you've selected for a nice picnic
with the kids in the park.....'might not be just bird-poo.

An American man is facing public indecency charges after allegedly being filmed having sex with a picnic table.
Police say that Art Price Jr was seen copulating with furniture on four separate mornings, most recently on March 14 when a neighbour recorded it as evidence.
The alleged incident took place near a school in broad daylight in the town of Bellevue in Ohio.
The neighbour, who remains anonymous, said he saw Mr Price in his garden turning over a round metal tale before performing a sex act upon it.
Local Police Captain Matt Johnson said: "He was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table."
Mr Price, 40, will now face up to four charges of public indecency.
Brice Jacobs, another neighbour, told local reporters he was disgusted that Mr Price was not jailed immediately.
"He could do that again," the website of local television station WTOL11 quoted him as saying. "Nude that close to a school. It should be zero tolerance"
Mr Price is understood to be married with three school aged children.
Local police said they had never encountered a similar case. "Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around," Cpt Johnson said.
The alleged picnic sex incident is the latest in a series of bizarre sex stories, with people getting caught in the act with inanimate objects.
A man got himself into strife after he apparently attempted to have sex with a fence in Leicester Square Gardens last year. Another man was listed on the sexual offenders' register for trying to make love to a bicycle.
This year a Polish man got a little excited while doing the vacuum cleaning, and decided to have some fun a Henry the Hoover. The building contractor claimed he was cleaning his underpants.
Chop a cucumber in half, hollow most of the flesh out with a long handled spoon, pop it in the microwave for 30 seconds (no fukking longer or you'll end up in casualty and very very embarrassed!) and hey presto...an instant fukkable minge! Feels just like the real thing....better in fact! It will always let you stretch it's hoop, it won't want you to carry out foreplay, you don't have to buy it a wet first, you don't have to listen to it prattle on about colour charts and soft furnishings, you can spunk in its face, and you can fukking bag out after you've cum your faff without having to cuddle up to it!

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