Nuns

At the opening of a new convent mother superior is at the door with a bowl of holy water, each nun comes forward to be blessed before entering, first nun, mother I have seen a mans penis, mother, bathe your eyes with holy water and enter, second nun, mother I have touched a mans penis, mother, wash your hand with holy water and enter, before the third nun can speak a nun starts to shove her way to the front, mother superior says, what are you doing get back in line, sorry says the nun I just want a quick gargle before mucky mags at the back there gets her arse in that bowl.

 

A novice nun plants seeds in the convent's allotment.As she stands back to admire her work a flock of crows swoop down and start eating all the seeds. "**** OFF, **** OFF, **** OFF! she screams with rage. Mother Superior hears the commotion and says, "my child thre's no need for all that, just say SHOO, SHOO, SHOO, then they'll **** off!".

 

Two Nuns riding bicycles down a bumpy lane. One says "I've never come this way before............."

 

Two nuns in the bath. one says "where's the soap?". Other says "Yes, it does a bit!".

 

A nun decides that she has had enough of the ecclesiastical life and wants to taste the world in all it's decadence and decides to leave and take up the oldest profession. She goes to see the Mother Superior to tell her that she is leaving.

"Mother Superior, I have decided to leave" she declares at evening prayers.

"Are you going to spread the word of the gospel amongst the heathens my child?"

"No Mother Superior . . ." and she leans in to tell her what she plans to do, whereupon the Mother Superior faints dead away.

Once she is brought round again she beckons the nun over and says "Tell me that again my child" and the nun says in a clear voice "I am leaving the nunnery to become a prostitute!"

"Oh thank the Lord and the Holy Mary" replies the Mother Superior "Bless you my child - first time I heard it I thought you said you were leaving to be a protestant".