Well one of mine was: Back home on leave after a long commission I went at the wife a bit strong,as you do. After a couple of days the old nudger was a bit sore but I thought no problem I know the wife keeps a jar of Vaseline next to the baby's cot for nappy rash. Up the stairs I went,never put the light on and found the jar,I liberally applied the Vaseline and went downstairs. After short while the bellend got hot!after a longer while it got very hot! I went to the bathroom and dangled it under the cold tap[I had to stand on toes not being the biggest in that dept] still it got hotter. I went down stairs thinking WTF,I told the wife and she said that wasn't Vaseline, She had moved it,it was Vick! Conclusion?don't put Vick on your Dick,the wife still smiles a lot when it comes up making me think it was not an accident and she just wanted some rest! There's a lot of nudger stories out there for instance I know of one young OD who,convinced he had caught a dose in Hong Kong,poured TCP down the eye of his welt!painful wasn't the word for him. I saw him a couple of years later and he was convinced that that action had made him sterile,which he was. I know write some rubbish but it's British rubbish and you have to keep the site going with some varied rubbish!