Nudger Woes?

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by seafarer1939, Nov 7, 2010.

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  1. Well one of mine was:
    Back home on leave after a long commission I went at the wife a bit strong,as you do. After a couple of days the old nudger was a bit sore but I thought no problem I know the wife keeps a jar of Vaseline next to the baby's cot for nappy rash.
    Up the stairs I went,never put the light on and found the jar,I liberally applied the Vaseline and went downstairs. After short while the bellend got hot!after a longer while it got very hot! I went to the bathroom and dangled it under the cold tap[I had to stand on toes not being the biggest in that dept] still it got hotter.
    I went down stairs thinking WTF,I told the wife and she said that wasn't Vaseline,
    She had moved it,it was Vick!
    Conclusion?don't put Vick on your Dick,the wife still smiles a lot when it comes up making me think it was not an accident and she just wanted some rest!
    There's a lot of nudger stories out there for instance I know of one young OD who,convinced he had caught a dose in Hong Kong,poured TCP down the eye of his welt!painful wasn't the word for him.
    I saw him a couple of years later and he was convinced that that action had made him sterile,which he was.
    I know write some rubbish but it's British rubbish and you have to keep the site going with some varied rubbish!
  2. I guess this qualifies as "British rubbish"...

    Mountain training, North Wales, the weekend a TA lad died in the same area. Daylight route scaled back due to weather, out we go.

    Ascent no issue. On the traverse some serious wind, horizontal blizzard, viz down to approx 15 metres. At this point I come to realise that I'd taken my preparation to 'start cold' a little too seriously and has opted not to break 'SOPs' (go commando) for all but the most extreme conditions. Bell end stuck to the metal zip on my windproof trousers. We were roped up so had to prise it off on the move. Took a further 30mins to get to any lee ground by which point I had a decent case of frost nip. Lads thought it was hilarious as I sat there not taking it like a man as it rewarmed. Still get a tingle down under every time the temp. drops. Always good to have something that triggers the memories from the good old days...
  3. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    Came home shiters after a DTS. No central heating in the house back then. Showered, stumbled out of the shower, fell into the gas wall heater on the landing. Burnt a grid shaped pattern down the length and breadth of my old fella. Thankfully it didn't scar.
  4. I know someone who got caught in a zip and had to be taken to Casualty.
  5. Did you give him a hand, Sol?
  6. As a young un, messing about dared to run across top of a wall, up I go daring deed half done, feet slip either side of narrow wall. Big ouch walked it off like a man, few days later old todger a funny shade of black had to ask my old man to have a look see. Whiped to hospital on the hurry up ended with the foreskin being whiped off. Bloody painful as I was only 10 or 11 at the time.

    No lasting defects as I now have two cracking sons.
  7. Boxers,

    Please forgive me for mis-appropriating a rather old joke but:

    "They obviously threw the best part of you away"
  8. Would never let them do that to me - too attached to mine :roll: taxi...
  9. ...tripping over the bloody thing is a nuisance.
  10. Yep so I've heard, those short legs of yours are a bugger sometimes...
  11. Twat! :D
  12. Wrong thread, we're talking nudgers here... :wink:
  13. In response to Sol's dit. During workup I'd gone fwd for a dump, CSST staff said I had plenty of time so I'm sat on the trap, ovies unzipped (the old thin rayon type ovies that zipped up the front) when the general alarm goes (lying CSST gits). Up I jumped, whipped the zip up and caught the tip of my bell end in the zip. Stood up in agony which ripped the zip free and then had to sit back aft in the donk shop for a couple of hours with the sweat running down and finding the open wound with unerring accuracy.

    Spent the rest of the evolution curled up in a ball on the Aft Escape Platform...feck, that hurt.
  14. A backaftie once shagged a local lass round the back of the Ardencaple after a do, the idle sod didnt remove her tights meerly made use of the run in them 8O

    The nylon cut into his dick and scored it all the way round 8O

    About a week later and off the coast of NI he reports sick. By this time it had swollen to the size of his fist had turned black and he was in great pain . He was flown off and rejoined the Boat later.

    They had not only taken away the pain :) but also the swelling :( :twisted:
  15. My mate thought he had warts so I convinced him to get some acid from the paintshop and dab it on his knob. I didnt think he would ACTUALLY do it! Cries of pain from the gulch! He went up to see the Doc in Nelson and when he told the PMO what he had done he called him a [email protected]!! Funniest thing is that he only had an ingrowing hair! Quality! :twisted:
  16. Git! I was hoping no smart bugger would get that.
  17. I burnt the old one-eye-trouser snake with a steam iron whilst ironing one day in a hurry to go out..... absolute agony :oops:
  18. Try taking the trousers off before ironing. :roll:

    Bimbles off shaking head muttering about Mateloes and irons. :D
  19. Thanks for that.... they were off !!!!
  20. Then stop using your todger as an ironing board! :lol:

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