Has Nozzer left us? If so anyone know why, im a nosey old siht.
Suddenly an announcement came over tha tannoy from none other than Admiral Nozzer himself (ahem!). He had just spent two blissful hours in the Brownies mess and he's also received a letter from his wife, who'd survived the blast with 15,000 other high falutin' persons in the civil service secret bunker beneath Nelson's Column. Politicos were NOT invited & in any event didn't know about it. All that slagging off of Crown Employees had finally been at a price! Now the civil service really DID rule the country, what was left of it, and they had appointed Lord Boyce as PM.
"Hurrah!" shouted all the sailors and sailorettes!
"Now the, er, bad news crew," said Nozzer. He wasn't sure how to say this, but out it must come as he would not be in the Andrew much longer and his brain although increasing in mass was decreasing in everything else! He'd booked an everlasting cruise into oblivion and would be setting off on his journey soon, once Randy Andy has arranged the transfer to the new Haslar Hospital for Sick Sailors (HHoSS) in a few weeks time. So out it had to come.
"Shipmates I have an announcement to make." 'Oooooh' came the response from the Brownies and Junior Jenny. The Chefs went 'Fcuk, another long boring speech' and Dunkers thought: time to make up my loss of sleep...
"It's like this," said Nozzer, "I've never told you my real name and have been using Seacat's computer and emal name to send all my messages to RR..." "He's a fcuking fraud!" shouted BY, shocked. "It's worse than that" said Nozzer. What could be worse, thought the crew??? "I was at Ganges, but I had a sex change op after leaving the Andrew and having been living as a Jenny for the past 8 years!" There was a hushed silence and a sharp intake of breath. For once the entire crew were completely gobsmacked. "So that's why you never joined the Ganges Association... and only joined the RNA as an associate member" said Nutty, deeply shocked. The brownies screamed in horror. A wo-man in their midst!!! He was expelled from their messdeck and chased all the way to the torpedo room where he was rammed into a torpedo tube and fired, unceremoniously into the oggin.
And that, as they say, was the end of NozzyNozzer, or should I now say, Miss Nozzy Nozzer! Farewell my friends, it's been nice knowing you all. Please DO NOT blame Seacat! I made him swear secrecy.
There was silence then....................