Nar then! Tha must be bored to read this load of tripe. Rotherham News (Including South Yorkshire Round-Up) Supermarket Sweep Re-Enaction MASKED robbers beat two shopworkers and threw one down the stairs during a violent armed raid at a Sheffield newsagents. The gang barged into Fourbuoys Newsagent in Westwick Crescent, Greenhill, at 9am yesterday brandishing weapons and demanding cash. The manager of the shop, who does not want to be named, said one waited in a getaway car outside as three others threatened him with a mallet, an industrial-sized wrench and what police believe to be an imitation firearm. Postman Pat Gets The Hump VANDALS set a post box on fire destroying a batch of mail waiting to be delivered. Firefighters were called to the box in Firth Park Road at the junction with Owler Lane, Grimesthorpe, at 4pm yesterday. Apples Enthusiast Goes A Bit Mental A JUNKIE who stabbed a Barnsley pensioner in the face with a screwdriver after taking heroin and downing 16 litres of cider has been jailed for six years. Darren Fearne, aged 37, of Margaret Close, Darfield, Barnsley, was so drunk at the time of the offence he could remember nothing about it when he was arrested four days later. He threatened to kill Mr Keightley before repeatedly stabbing him in the face with a screwdriver. Piracy On The High Seas. Sort Of. A STAND-off over rubbish being dumped in a Doncaster canal led to action stations for two local boat owners, a court heard. One of them found himself looking down the barrel of the other skipper's gun and decided it was time to send out an SOS. Narrowboat owner Andrew Melbourne called the police when he was confronted by an air rifle brandished by disabled Frederick Sunderland, who had started the dispute by chucking a sack of rubbish in the canal at Doncaster Wharf, near Greyfriars Road. Sunderland, 62, of Oak Close, Mexborough, whose cabin cruiser was described as his 'pride and joy', was arrested and charged with possessing a firearm with intent to cause fear or violence, which he admitted when he appeared at Doncaster Crown Court. After hearing of his ill health, which includes hypertension, heart problems and arthritis, the judge suspended a nine months' prison sentence. Want A Drink With That, Love? POLICE are appealing for information after a woman was stabbed in a Goldthorpe pub over the Bank Holiday weekend. The incident happened in the Rusty Dudley pub on Doncaster Road when a 20-year-old woman was stabbled in the back and chest. But the young victim only suffered small puncture wounds and her injuries were not life threatening. Charity Muggers Go Too Far Rotherham CID are appealing for information in an attempt to identify a man with a distinctive tattoo around his neck who attempted to rob a 29 year old man from the Kilnhurst area in an underpass in the Town Centre. The incident happened at 0815 hrs on Thursday 12 April 2007, as the victim was walking in the subway near to Bailey House and Nellie Dene's. He was approached by two men, one of whom demanded he hand over his cash and brandished a hammer at the victim. The victim refused and the offender repeated his threat and attempted to grab the victim who again refused and walked away. Are You Looking At My Bird? Doncaster Police are appealing for information after an alleged theft of a bird from Markham Grange Nurseries, Woodlands, Doncaster. The bird, a cockatoo, was reported as stolen from its cage on Wednesday 21 March 2007 at around 3pm. The cockatoo is white in colour and has a tag on its leg, containing a serial number BDW05V Have You Got Change For A Fiver? At around 2100 hrs on Saturday 14 April 2007, a 19 year old man from the Parkgate area of the Town was assaulted and had money and his mobile phone taken from him as he was trying to get change for bus fare. The group of males approach the victim and one of them, described as white, in his twenties, about 6ft tall, stocky build and wearing a white top and three quarter length trousers began to count out money. A verbal altercation then took place between the victim and this man, who then punched the victim knocking him to the ground. Other males in the group also joined in the attack and the victim was asked to hand over his money which was taken from him, along with his mobile phone. The offenders then ran off in the direction of Effingham Street. Stroll In The Park Rotherham CID are appealing for information following a robbery in Clifton Park last Wednesday 11 April 2007. The incident happened at around 2200 hrs, as the victim, an 18 year old woman from the Mexborough area, was walking through the Park with a group of friends. She had lagged behind her friends and heard a female voice shouting at her so ran towards the exit but was attacked before she could get there, being pulled to the ground by her hair and kicked. Her pink 'Roxy' rucksack was pulled from her back and stolen by the offenders. The bag contained personal belongings, including mobile phone and iPod. Want To Come And See Some Puppies? Doncaster Police are appealing for information following an alleged indecent exposure incident on Wednesday 14 March at 7.20pm. A man approached a 13 year old girl in Adwick Park, Adwick-le-Street, Doncaster. He asked her the time then dropped his trousers, exposing his penis to her. He then walked slowly away. The man is described as white, tall, of a stocky build and between 30-40 years old. He had black short hair and was wearing a black tracksuit. Got this far? Haven't you got anything better to do with your time? Issued by the Rotherham Tourist Information Board.