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Nothing Worse

jjp23

Lantern Swinger
Similar to the nothing better thread but as the name states the opposite.

After a barny with the missus (bloody women, i didn't even do anything wrong!), i went out on a drinking session ending up in a curry house with my pal. The result.....

I woke up this morning with my alarm going off to get me up for work, light still on, tv still on, fully dressed, hungover to the point i thought my time was up and a feeling in my guts that was like a bomb going off. I ran to the bathroom......LOCKED!! "Who the fuck is in there, get out now!!"

Is there a worse feeling than holding a curry shit in when hungover? I hate it, all i wanted was to sit on my throne in peace.
 

Trigger_92

War Hero
Was this barmy caused by you finally standing up to her to tell her to stop whipping you in bed by any chance ? ;)
 

jjp23

Lantern Swinger
Hahaha, no i still haven't got the bottle for that one just yet, she has been abit tame just lately.

Bloody women though, making stuff out of nothing and flying off the rails. I don't think i will ever understand how they work.
 
jjp23 said:
..... I don't think i will ever understand how they work.

I recently received these few words of wisdom:
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all; so NEVER say 'you're welcome' to her 'Thanks a lot'. That will only bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer back to No. 3.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

That little lot might help, but just don’t hold your breath.
 
Trigger_92 said:
Dont think any of us will . . .

One of my recent 'and another thing' OH rollockings included a critique of my occasional use of the phrase 'may I suggest.....'.

Used Innocently? Naw - Apparently I was 'always interfering' whenever I used that phrase.

Bob

42 years married & it's still a minefield........
 

jjp23

Lantern Swinger
Cheers.

I would like to add a clause to number 1. If you ask a woman if she is ok and the response is "I'm fine." she is not fine, infact she is pissed off and there will at some point down the line be an argument that will end in "Fine.". These two "fines'" must not be confused or you will get a "whatever". If you are told whatever you must not use her word and respond by saying "fine" although you may just mean "fine" in the normal meaning she will assume you mean it in her language. Again this will end in an even bigger argument and you will pay for it.
 

boxy

Lantern Swinger
jjp23 said:
Cheers.

I would like to add a clause to number 1. If you ask a woman if she is ok and the response is "I'm fine." she is not fine, infact she is pissed off and there will at some point down the line be an argument that will end in "Fine.". These two "fines'" must not be confused or you will get a "whatever". If you are told whatever you must not use her word and respond by saying "fine" although you may just mean "fine" in the normal meaning she will assume you mean it in her language. Again this will end in an even bigger argument and you will pay for it.

you see it has started off of 9 simple points and now there other facts to consider, soon sombody else will think of another thing and another thing to add to these points which will end up there being so many clauses that we will all come to the conclusion that women are totaly mental and a mystery to us all
 

FlagWagger

GCM
Book Reviewer
jjp23 said:
Cheers.

I would like to add a clause to number 1. If you ask a woman if she is ok and the response is "I'm fine." she is not fine, infact she is pissed off and there will at some point down the line be an argument that will end in "Fine.". These two "fines'" must not be confused or you will get a "whatever". If you are told whatever you must not use her word and respond by saying "fine" although you may just mean "fine" in the normal meaning she will assume you mean it in her language. Again this will end in an even bigger argument and you will pay for it.

Whenever you hear the term "fine" in this context you've got to remember that its not being used as word meaning "all right" or "financial penalty"; "FINE" is actually an acronym and is a shorthand way of saying "Fukcing Irritable Nearly Exhausted" - understanding this can save a lot of pain :)
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
boxy said:
jjp23 said:
Cheers.

I would like to add a clause to number 1. If you ask a woman if she is ok and the response is "I'm fine." she is not fine, infact she is pissed off and there will at some point down the line be an argument that will end in "Fine.". These two "fines'" must not be confused or you will get a "whatever". If you are told whatever you must not use her word and respond by saying "fine" although you may just mean "fine" in the normal meaning she will assume you mean it in her language. Again this will end in an even bigger argument and you will pay for it.

you see it has started off of 9 simple points and now there other facts to consider, soon sombody else will think of another thing and another thing to add to these points which will end up there being so many clauses that we will all come to the conclusion that women are totaly mental and a mystery to us all

A fine synopsis and all you need to know
 

Dazza

Badgeman
I once told my wife I had a new position that I would like to try. It involved her fukcing off and living somewhere else!!
 

jjp23

Lantern Swinger
WreckerL said:
boxy said:
jjp23 said:
Cheers.

I would like to add a clause to number 1. If you ask a woman if she is ok and the response is "I'm fine." she is not fine, infact she is pissed off and there will at some point down the line be an argument that will end in "Fine.". These two "fines'" must not be confused or you will get a "whatever". If you are told whatever you must not use her word and respond by saying "fine" although you may just mean "fine" in the normal meaning she will assume you mean it in her language. Again this will end in an even bigger argument and you will pay for it.

you see it has started off of 9 simple points and now there other facts to consider, soon sombody else will think of another thing and another thing to add to these points which will end up there being so many clauses that we will all come to the conclusion that women are totaly mental and a mystery to us all

A fine synopsis and all you need to know

What's up wrecker? :wink:
 
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